Christal Cooper
Article 2,069 Words
Sue Williams
A Mother’s
Murder Grief &
A Mother’s
Rescue: The Compassionate Friends
Murder
grief
leaves scars on those left to survive
It
warps the strongest spirits and twists so many lives
Murder grief is harder than other
grief to bear
Because
it’s done by evil and the devil doesn’t care
Murder
grief
continues to tear apart your heart
It
stomps upon your feelings and breaks your life apart
Murder
grief makes
friendships harder to keep alive
People
now avoid you as you struggle to survive
Murder
grief
isn’t pretty . . . It’s black, cold and grey
As
it hovers overhead it refuses to go away
Murder
grief
engulfs you as it drowns you in its pain
It
snares the strongest persons into feeling they’re insane.
Murder
grief
is destructive as it descends upon your mind
You
must confront it boldly and to yourself be kind
Murder
grief
is controllable if your faith in God stays strong
He’ll
give you strength to face it and the courage to live on . . .
On August 22, 2015, to celebrate her son’s 30th
birthday, Sue Williams drove to Michigan to visit his resting place at the Oak
Hill Cemetery.
“My son,
Bernard Calvin Williams, was murdered 10 years ago in Pontiac, Michigan on
December 30, 2005.”
Sue Williams, never married and never had
biological children, but she was born to be a mother.
“When Bernard was three
years old, his father, who is Sue’s biological brother, was in prison. Bernard’s mother, Samantha, was over burdened
with pressing life issues, which rendered her neglectful.”
Sue stepped up to the plate and adopted Bernard
as her own.
“Bernard came with issues – abandonment and abuse issues. He
didn’t like anyone behind him. He had to
have the entire view of the room. He had to be able to see everything. It was fear.”
Bernard was diagnosed with Attention Deficit
Disorder and was soon on a regiment of medication and a controlled diet, which
excluded many foods and those with red
dye. Even with the medication and diet changes,
individual therapy and the unconditional love of a mother, he was still afraid
of being abandoned.
“He’d
play with his match box cars for a few minutes and then he would come back and
say, ‘Mom, where are you?’ It was the
big thing called fear.
He also played with (the
original) Ninja Turtles. After he was asleep, I used to peel his hands apart at
night only to find a ninja turtle. He was afraid to let them go.”
“Bernard proved to be a
bright student, eager to learn. He loved history and learning about the various
war battles. He loved to research other places and when he and I traveled, he
knew in advance of arriving in various cities how to get around and what
features we should see. Bernard was very excited to learn about the Civil
Rights movement.
As a youngster, he
chose Ralph Bunche for his school project and he memorized and recited one of
Bunche’s speeches, which greatly impressed his teacher and classmates.”
Mother and son attended Bible study and
church at the Eastside Church of Christ, in Pontiac, Michigan. But even with
the strong roots of spirituality and love, Bernard still got into trouble:
First in 2003 for driving a vehicle that contained drugs in the glove
compartment and again in 2005 for a domestic dispute.
“He did get in trouble,
but he saw his way through with prayer and dependence on his faith. He got
baptized for remissions of sin while in jail in Oct 2005.Bernard knew right
from wrong and he used his knowledge to start down a right path.”
When the Williams family resided in Pontiac,
Michigan, Sue worked as a mental health nurse at the Clinton Valley Mental
Hospital. She was attacked and severely
beaten by a mental health patient. Her injuries required three back surgeries,
which ultimately resulted in permanent disabilities.
“By this time, Bernard,
who was also excellent in math, had graduated high school and was looking
towards the future. He wanted more education and decided to attend Alabama
State University where he majored in Business.”
Sue gave up her life in Pontiac, Michigan to be
near her son and to support him.
Despite
now living in Montgomery, Alabama, Sue made sure Bernard knew his father and
birth mother who still lived in Pontiac, Michigan. She made sure that he visited them and
extended family for special occasions, the last visit being Christmas of
2005.
“That
Christmas Day he kept on saying, ‘Mom, I want you to cook.’ So I cooked for him – all his favorite foods.
I made turkey and dressing, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, sweet
potatoes, cornbread, vanilla cake with chocolate icing, and sweet potato
pie. We had Christmas at my mother’s house. I sat and watched him eat. I served him his last supper. For some odd reason we took a lot of pictures.”
Mother and son talked about his favorite
shoes- Nike Air Force Ones: “He loved to wear those shoes with Nautica
Blue Jeans. He also liked sweatpants, but he was very particular in how
everything had to fit and he only wore dark colors.”
Then he headed out the door with his brother
Brandon to go visit his birth mother, Samantha.
That was the last time she saw Bernard.
Sue
was driving her mother, Mary Alice, and her mother’s two friends Shellie and
Ineta to Detroit to have dinner at the casino.
In route, Mary Alice’s cell phone rang at 7:30 p.m. Mary Alice leaned over to whisper something
to her friend Shellie, who was sitting in the front passenger seat.
“Susie,” Shellie said, “We need to turn
around and go back to Pontiac General Hospital.”
Without hesitation, Sue responded, “My
child is dead.”
“I
instinctively knew that something was wrong with Bernard and that if he had not
called me directly, he must have been dead!”
On December 30, 2005, Bernard was murdered
inside Samantha’s house. Samantha’s boyfriend, Dennis Anthony Hall, 34, mistook
him for a man he had had an altercation with earlier in the day, and shot him
three times – in the arm, the chest, and the left side of his head.
“Surveillance video
showed Hall drag Bernard, by his feet, from his car and place him just inside
the emergency room entrance at North Oakland Medical Centers. He then left.”
“When
I arrived at North Oakland Medical Centers, my fears about Bernard were
confirmed. I’m a nurse and I could tell by the way they were walking around, and
how quiet the Emergency Room was. Everything
was calm. I went to the desk looking at
the lady’s face. She said ‘I’ll be
back.’ I knew he was dead.”
The
plan had been for Sue and Bernard to fly back to Montgomery, Alabama on January
4, 2006; instead Susie was at her son’s funeral just as Dennis Anthony Hall was
being arraigned for the murder of her son.
“I never experienced anger with God. God stepped in and Bernard died within seconds.
He didn’t have to suffer. I didn’t have
to worry about pulling the plug, my son being a vegetable, or at a nursing
facility.”
Two days later, on January 6, Sue turned 42
years old.
She flew back to Birmingham alone. She
doesn’t remember the flight or how she got to Montgomery, but she made it home,
and knew she needed help.
“I
had volunteered at the Baptist South Hospital and asked the chaplain where I
could go for support for the death of a loved one. This was new territory for me. She gave me a newsletter for The Compassionate Friends.”
The
Compassionate Friends
was founded in 1960 when Chaplain Simon Stephens at the Warwickshire Hospital
in England was counseling two sets of grieving parents, the Lawleys and the
Hendersons, and decided that they needed one another for support and
healing.
The first chapter of The Compassionate Friends established in America was in 1978 in
Illinois.
In the spring of 1979 the Montgomery, Alabama
chapter was established.
Presently there are 600 chapters serving all 50
states plus Washington D.C., Puerto Rico, and Guam.
Now there are more than 30 countries across the
globe who have The Compassionate Friends
chapters with their main mission being:
“When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and
may feel hopeless and isolated. The
Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support
to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a
sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family.
The Compassionate Friends of Montgomery,
Alabama meet the first Tuesday of every month.
Susie attended her first meeting in February of 2006.
“I’m with people that understand how it feels to
lose a child at any age, at any cause.
It is a unique group of people that has suffered a loss like
I had. Your heart aches
because your child is dead.”
The Compassionate Friends was a great rock of
strength for Sue, especially when she attended the trial of Hall.
In October of 2006, a
Michigan court declared Hall guilty of second-degree murder and Oakland County
Circuit Judge John J McDonald sentenced him to 31 years in prison.
“The jury heard the evidence. I don’t disagree with the verdict at
all. It’s the proper verdict.” Judge McDonald declared before sentencing
Hall.
Sue was able to feel
closure, but the result is still the same – death: “It doesn’t mater how a child dies – at
the end of the day the child is dead.”
Sue is now co-leader
of the Montgomery Chapter of The
Compassionate Friends and regional coordinator for the state of
Alabama.
She attended her
first The Compassionate Friends
conference this past July in Dallas, Texas.
“Even though I am now a seasoned griever – I
know how you feel, to stretch out on the floor and scream and holler and I know
what it is to not sleep or dream. With my eyes I cry; with my pillow I sob; in the shower I
cry; I get underwear from my drawer and ask myself, “Did I wear this
yesterday? I even cry in my closet, but you
have to keep on going.”
In 2007, two years after
her son’s murder, Sue and her family were in the backyard talking when a frog
jumped their way. The family screamed
and ran away, only to end up laughing.
Bernard had been terrified of frogs, and they felt that the frog was a
message from him to them.
It is events like this
that help Sue to laugh again and people at The
Compassionate Friends that give her hope, healing, and comfort.
“My faith in God, my family, and The Compassionate Friends have given me
hope. I’ve dreamed about Bernard. I’ve had him call my name. Things I do, I do in memory of my son.”
But the pain is still very fresh and
always there.
“When a husband dies he
leaves his wife a widow. When a mom dies
she leaves a child an orphan. When a
child dies – there is nothing. It is
unnatural. Kid bury their parents, but parents don’t bury their kids.”
Being a part of The Compassionate Friends family gives Sue the opportunity to mourn
for other people’s children, which she considers vital in her healing.
“There
was a couple who lost all three children in a two week period due to drug
overdose. Who am I to be selfish and
grieve only for my son?”
One of the misconceptions about The Compassionate Friends is that it is
a religious or spiritual organization.
This is false – and in fact there is no spiritual or religious
affiliation with The Compassionate
Friends. All that is required in
order to be a part of The Compassionate
Friends is that a child, of any age, has died, by any cause and the person
is seeking help, which is a big first step in the right direction.
“I’ve learned along time ago as a nurse –
sometimes we are stuck in the rut because we do the same thing. You always go left. Maybe it’s time for you to go right.”
The
Compassionate Friends Montgomery Chapter meets the first Tuesday of the month at 7
p.m. at Eastmont Baptist Church on 4505 Atlanta Highway in Montgomery, Alabama.
tcfmontgomery@gmail.com
Photograph
Description And Copyright Information
Photo
1
Sue
Williams holding the last photograph taken of her son Bernard Williams on December
25, 2005.
Copyright
granted by Christal Rice Cooper and Sue Williams.
Photo
2
The
Compassionate Friends web logo
Fair
Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo
3
The
resting place for Bernard Williams.
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
4.
Last
photograph taken of Bernard Williams on December 25, 2005.
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
5
Bernard
Williams at 18 months.
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
6
Bernard
Williams at 3 years old
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
7
Bernard,
age 3, and Sue Williams
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
8
Sue
and Bernard, age 7
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
9
Sue
and Bernard, age 8
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams
Photo
10
Bernard,
age 3
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
11
Bernard
in his Ninja Turtle outfit
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
12
Bernard,
Sue, and Jalen in Atlanta at the Martin Luther King Memorial
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
13
Ralph
Bunche
Public
Domain
10.
Bernard
on December 25, 2005
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
11.
Bernard,
with his sister, and Jalen his brother.
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
13
Bernard
age 16 when he earned his GED
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photos
15 and 16
Sue
and Bernard on Christmas Day 2005.
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
18
Brandon
and Bernard
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
19
Bernard
and his grandmother Mary Alice.
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
20
Mug
shot of Dennis Anthony Hall
Public
Domain
Photo
21
The
North Oakland Medical Center
Web
photo
Fair
Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo
22a
Mug
shot of Dennis Anthony Hall
Public
Domain
Photos
22b. and 38.
Bernard
Williams at rest
January
4, 2006
Copyright
granted by Sue Williams.
Photo
23
Sue
Williams on October 1, 2015
Copyright
granted by Christal Rice Cooper and Sue Williams.
Photo
24
The
Compassionate Friends Web Logo
Fair
Use Under the Untied States Copyright Law
Photo
25
Chaplain
Simone Stephens, founder of The Compassionate Friends.
Web
logo
Fair
Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photos
26, 29, and 35
Web
logo for The Compassionate Friends Facebook page.
Fair
Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo
30
Sue
being interviewed on the news on May 27, 2015.
Fair
Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo
32.
Oakland County Circuit Judge John J McDonald
Fair Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo 34.
Sue Williams at The Compassionate Friends
conference in Dallas, Texas in July of 2015.
Copyright granted by Sue Williams.
Photo 36.
Antique Folk Art Scenic Portrait Chop Plate Limoges France 'The Frog
Prince!' Hand Painted & Signed 'Sullivan' Late 19th Century-Early 20th
Century Porcelain Charger Plaque Painting Masterpiece
Public Domain
Photoshopped by Christal Rice Cooper
Copyright granted by Christal Rice Cooper
Photo 37
Mother of Bernard Williams
Copyright
granted by Christal Rice Cooper and Sue Williams.
Photo
40
and 41
Sue
Williams
Copyright
granted by Christal Rice Cooper and Sue Williams.
I cannot imagine going through the horror that Ms. Williams went through. I don't know how she gets out of bed in the morning let alone working with others to help them overcome their grief. Compassionate friends is lucky to have her working with them. A great and inspiring article!
ReplyDeleteNice article/blog
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