A Woman's Faith Story: From a Life of Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, Despair & Suicide to Complete Joy In Christ . . .

Chris Rice Cooper 

caccoop@aol.com

https://www.facebook.com/christalann.ricecooper

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Anonymous Writer’s Faith Story:

“Becoming A Woman After Jesus’s Own Heart!”

I grew up going to church.  My mom always made sure we went even when we didn’t want to. As a child my sisters and I would get involved in children's choirs, VBS, Sunday school, etc. Up until I was a teen this was a lot of fun and I always had faith that God existed.  I knew Jesus was my Friend but still didn’t understand how He was my Savior. (Right - Oldest surviving panel of Jesus Christ - 6th Century)

When I was 13 and living in Fayetteville, North Carolina my older sister and I attended a youth church conference where there were lots of different speakers and musical artists. It was a blast. We got to leave home and stay with a host family.  Each day for about 3 days we would meet up and go to this huge event. That was the weekend I was overpowered by the Holy Spirit and came to understand who Christ was. (Left Holy Spirit as a dove depicted by Gian Lorenzo Bernini)

When I returned that Sunday I scheduled my baptism. My whole family was baptized at this Southern Baptist church near our home. But did I really know what I was doing? Did I know what kind of commitment it was? Or was I just doing it because everyone else did? My sister had also given her life to Christ that weekend so I could have been just following her lead. I will say I don’t think I did fully get it because nothing in my life really changed. (Above "Baptizing the Jordon" attributed to Silas X Floyd)

My dad was in the Army so we moved a lot!   A year later we moved to O’Fallon, IL.  Once we landed here in the middle of these cornfields, we found the First Baptist Church of O’Fallon. That was way back in 1996!

Pastor Doug had been the preacher about a year and I met his lovely wife Vicky  (Right) at a youth event they held there. I didn’t really know anyone so my sister and I went.  I do have two lovely sisters and I’m stuck in the middle.  My younger sister wasn’t a teen yet.  Anyway, at this event Vicky sat down with me personally and asked me if I knew who Jesus was and what He meant to me.  I kind of answered her question but mostly answered with things I have heard others say. And because I wasn’t sure if the last baptism washed away all my sins, I got baptized again that year when I was 14.

So here I am, once again, didn’t really feel like anything was changing. By this time my family life was turning to a war zone. We had all seen it coming over the years and my sisters and I always wondered if divorce was in our future. Sometimes we would wish for it because maybe it would make the fighting stop.

By this age I had started smoking cigarettes because I thought it was cool, which it is totally not cool.  Then I had my first drink at 16. It’s what I thought everyone did that was trying to make the bad in their life go away. Well it didn’t work and my appetite for it only grew.

When I was 16, my uncle committed suicide and it only made my sadness and anger grow tremendously. I was truly lost. But wait, wasn’t life supposed to be all sunshine and sparkles now that I was saved? Wasn’t it supposed to all get better? That’s what I thought being saved and a Christian meant; that life was supposed to get easier. By the time I was 18 I was smoking marijuana and guess what?  It still didn’t work.

Boys were also a fixation of mine and there I went throwing my precious virginity out the door that year as well. It was downhill from there.

My dad had left for a tour in Korea while my mom stayed home and took care of us girls.  My dad being gone was the hardest year. It was awful. I couldn’t wait for him to come home.

By the time I graduated I had dabbled in a same-sex relationship that I thought I wanted and when the end of the school year and graduation came I ended that. I knew deep down inside that it wasn’t right. So I broke it off. My parents found out and, of course, flipped out. But now, as a parent, I would probably do the same.

By this time my dad had returned from Korea and everything had changed. My parents were more distant from each other and fought more frequently. The summer came and went for me, filled with cocaine and acid.  More drugs, more relationships I shouldn’t have had. Boy, I was a mess.

The fall arrived and it was off to college because that’s just what people do. So I left and moved into a dorm, not really wanting to be there. My parents had no clue what I had been up to. Nor did I want to tell them. Unfortunately, my first few days there were filled with alcohol and became a haze. I started my classes but quickly decided I’d rather get high than go to class. So I did. Not having money, I would use my charm to get the boys to buy them for me in exchange for what they really wanted. I tried new drugs for the first time and it made me go deeper down the rabbit hole than ever before. (Above Painting attributed to Christal Rice Cooper)

Come the end of that first semester I was failing classes and truly hit bottom when I tried to commit suicide. I still remember my roommate and another girl across the hall carrying me out to their car and driving me to the hospital.  They got me inside and then the doctors had to pump my stomach to get all the pills out. Scariest thing ever!

That night my mom and family showed up, terrified for what they would find. Considering my mom’s brother had just killed himself two years earlier, it really hit her the hardest.

I was broken and hurting and couldn’t even look them in the face. I told them a little of what I had done but not the whole picture. I dropped out of school and came home. You would have thought after all that this cycle of craziness would have stopped. It didn’t. My parents sent me to rehab, but that didn’t last long. I wasn’t ready to quit. So I didn’t. (Self Portrait of Mental Illness attributed to Christal Rice Cooper)

They moved me to my grandparents’ house thinking that would help to give me my own space. That didn’t work either. You can find drugs and boys anywhere; did you know that? Wasn’t stopping me.  Eventually I did come back home. I still feel terrible sometimes because of the way I treated my grandparents, but I was so lost and they all knew it. I dug myself further into a hole that I so desperately wanted to get out of. I just didn’t know how. (Above Christina's World attributed to Andrew Wyeth)

By that summer my parents divorced. It was long waiting but it came nonetheless. I had gone to my friend’s house to hang out and was going to stay the night. I called home to ask mom and got my dad instead. He was crying. He said he was moving out. I couldn’t believe my ears. As much as I knew this day would come I didn’t think it would happen now. I will say there was a lot I learned in the days to follow of what led up to that but I will not disclose that here. My parents had both made lots of mistakes in their marriage and decided it was best to end it. I couldn’t stay either. I had to leave.

I forgot to mention that I had already met the man of my dreams that year I just didn’t know I would go on to marry him and have his child, my beautiful baby girl. Well, she isn’t a baby anymore.  She’s 11 going on 25!  Well, I moved into his house. He had just graduated from Chiropractic college and was opening a business. Thankfully he needed help and there I was. We started a beautiful relationship and I fell head over heels in love with him. I had never felt that way about a person before and since my own family was falling apart I desperately needed something to hold onto. We had our flaws too, but honestly it was the first real relationship I had ever had. I thank God for bringing us together. (Above "The Bride Under the Canopy" by Marc Chagall")

I still dabbled in things I shouldn’t but one day I woke up and said “No more!” and I quit; at least the hard stuff. I still smoked cigarettes and marijuana, and drank from time to time but it was slowing down.

Eventually that wonderful man and I got married when I was 21 and by the time I was 23 I was pregnant with our daughter. She truly is the gem in my life. She gave me a whole new purpose that I had never known was possible. And the love in my heart grew so much. ("The Waiting and the Reward" attributed to Anna Rose Bain.  Copyright granted by Anna Rose Bain. https://www.artworkbyannarose.com)

I will say that by this point I was starting to realize that God was still there. For the longest time I wondered if He was. Or if He even cared.

After our daughter was about a year and a half old my husband and I took a trip to Panama (Right). Yes, the country. It was beautiful. Aside from our honeymoon it was the longest trip I’d ever been on. And the longest time away from our baby. I learned a lot about myself on that trip. Seeing other sides of the world I’d never seen. I grew just a little.

When I returned I quit smoking cigarettes for good. It

took five tries up until that point but I finally did it.   About two years later though I experienced the worst summer ever: I had still been smoking marijuana up until that year. I was 28.  Would I ever know what it was like to not be dependent on any substances?

My younger sister had been trying to talk to me about God more, and encouraging me to come back to church. I knew what I should do but I still wasn’t sure why. I was ashamed.  I was still broken from all the things I was trying to do to fix myself. I finally realized I couldn’t do it alone anymore. (Right Sad Woman attributed to Johann Heinrich Fussli)

In fact, to get ahold of me once more, He gave me this overpowering anxiety that I had never experienced before. I literally thought I was dying all over again. Three months this lasted. I went to doctors, sought out a pastor friend I had, talked with friends, but still God was saying, “Come to Me.” So I did. That was the summer I went running back to God full speed. And I haven’t stopped since. (Mixed Media of woman running with the birds attributed to Christal Rice Cooper)

That was the summer I found my Savior, the One who could truly wash away all of those ugly sins. I found my God, the Living Water that I so desperately needed to quench my thirst.  I found the One who would heal my broken heart, the One who would cleanse me and make me whole:  the One, my God, my Jesus. (Painting of Jesus attributed to Christal Rice Cooper)

It took me 15 years of heartache and straying from where I first met Jesus to actually come to know Him.   I have done a 180 about 50 times since then.  I know I am forgiven, and loved, and cherished, and worth saving.  It just took me a long time and a very crooked path to figure that out.  (Left sketch attributed to Christal Rice Cooper).

I have grown so deep in my faith, and that growing continues every day. I have joined my church again, gotten involved in women’s ministry, singing with my choir and praise team, gone on a mission trip across the sea, and it won’t stop there. 

I now have a passion for Christ and sharing with others how He has moved in my life. He will continue to move in me the more obedient I become. I never want to go back to the days where I tried to live without Him. He fills me and gives me the strength I need. Every day. I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back! He is set in my heart and I in His! I want Him to use me in ways I never dreamt possible. I want to follow His will for my life. And that...is just the beginning! (Image of Heart attributed to Christal Rice Cooper)

It’s not to say my life has become easy and without problems. Because I still have tons of those. However, now when I need to handle something I learn to pray about and seek Him first. I’m still not perfect at it, but I don’t think I ever will be until I am one day standing face to face with Him. All He wants is my heart. And I’ll tell you dear brothers and sisters, He’s got it!  (Image attributed to Christal Rice Cooper)