Melissa Ohden's memoir of searching for the truth about her existence in YOU CARRIED ME . . .

Chris Rice Cooper 

caccoop@aol.com

https://www.facebook.com/christalann.ricecooper

*The images in this specific piece are granted copyright privilege by:  Public Domain, CCSAL, GNU Free Documentation Licenses, Fair Use Under The United States Copyright Law, or given copyright privilege by the copyright holder which is identified beneath the individual photo.

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Analysis by Chris Rice Cooper

Melissa Ohden’s

You Carried Me

a daughter’s memoir

www.youcarriedmebook.com

“Pain Too Deep To Recollect!”

Pain has an element of blank;

It cannot recollect

When it began, or if it there were

A day when it was not.

It has no future but itself,

Its infinite realms contain

Its past, enlightened to perceive

No period of pain

--Emily Dickinson

In May of 2017 Plough Publishing House  https://www.plough.com/en/topics/life/relationships/you-carried-me published You Carried Me a daughter’s memoir by Melissa Ohden below left  http://melissaohden.com with cover photo by Jude Mooney below right 

https://www.shiningdoephotography.com and jacket design by Emily Alexander.

On August 24, 1977 Melissa was born at 2 pounds and 14.5 ounces at St. Luke’s Neonatal Intensive Care Unit in Iowa.  The baby had jaundice, respiratory distress and seizures and after three weeks was transferred to the University Hospital in Iowa.

       In late October the baby was now five pounds and was adopted by Christian farming couple Ron and Linda Cross who already had an adopted daughter Tammy age 4.  The couple was thrilled to have another daughter into their farmhouse in Curlew, Iowa where she was surrounded by church-going parents, numerous relatives and animals.

       They named me Melissa Ann, after a friend who had become a quadriplegic after an accident. They admired her strength and her tenaciousness fight for life.  They hoped for the same qualities in me.     

 And there would be tough times – in 1982 Melissa left in 1983  the Cross family lost the farm and had to move to Storm Lake where Ron worked at a meatpacking plant and Linda worked as a bookkeeper. 

       But there were miraculous times – such as in 1984 when Linda got pregnant.  Ron and Linda revealed the news to Melissa on her seventh birthday and she viewed Linda’s pregnancy as a birthday present.  And when her brother Dustin was born she described her life as a big sister as pure bliss.

She naturally became interested in her birth parents and her parents allowed her to see the adoption papers. She learned that both of her parents were college students, athletic, gifted. 

       The next seven years were financially difficult ones for the family but Missy was thriving and found herself drawn to the intellectual and artistic world.  She satisfied this hunger by checking out books from the Storm Lake Public Library.Above right
       When she was in the seventh grade the Cross Family moved into their very first home they owned.    They continued to make sure that their children attended the United Methodist Church and reared them in Biblical values.

It came as a surprise when in September of 1991 Tammy revealed she was pregnant and her parents offered their support of helping her carry the baby and raising it or giving it up for adoption; but abortion was something they could not support. 

Tammy chose to carry the baby with plans to keep it and it was while her sister was fully pregnant that Missy and her sister got into a heated argument.  Tammy in her anger revealed a secret about Missy’s parentage; a secret their parents only revealed to Tammy to discourage her from having an abortion.  Later that same evening Missy above left at age 15 and her mother sat on the living room sofa.

Mom’s voice was soft and low as she took my hands in hers.  “We never meant to keep this from you . . . We should have told you when we told Tammy, but there was just no easy way . . . We love you, honey, we’ll always love you. . .” She paused and took a deep breath.  “Missy, your birth mother had an abortion during her pregnancy with you and you survived.”

I sat for a moment in utter disbelief – how was this even possible?  And then I fell into my mom’s arms and sobbed.

This knowledge literally threw her into an all- consuming crisis:  by the time she was 15 she was living a double life; anorexia, bulimia, alcohol (she would hide bottles of vodka in her bedroom closet and underneath the backseat of her red Chevy Beretta);  and sex (though she was responsible enough to use contraceptives).  Above right attributed to Christal Rice Cooper.

Bulimia, alcohol, sex – these were my unholy trinity of coping mechanisms. They dulled, but didn’t deaden, my torment.   That all this suffering was hidden from everyone who knew me seemed to be the point – I was singularly chosen for misery; I was different, broken, unworthy. Alone.

 She also developed chronic nightmares where she was afraid to fall asleep.   To prevent herself from going to sleep she would read poetry and write her own poetry only to rip the pages to shreds. left her senior year in high school.


I couldn't bear to keep tangible evidence of my anguish and confusion.

The one healthy thing she did was to speak the truth about being an abortion survivor, which she did right away in front of her English class, which proved to be therapeutic; but her real freedom did not come into being until she finally submitted completely to the Trinity God.

At long last my heart and mind turned to the One from whom I could not hide my inner life and my secret sins – the One who alone had the power to set me free.

I began to cling to Jesus in prayer, and as I did, I felt the guilt and shame and self-loathing that had defined me for so long begin to slip away. Right Jesus Painting attributed to Christal Rice Cooper. 

       She found solace in other people’s stories such as Nelson Mandela’s autobiography Long Walk to Freedom;  Alice Walker’s The Color Purple and particularly Alice Walker’s own personal story of having her own abortion while in college and writing poetry to deal with her own pain;  and Lois Lowry’s The Giver which helped Ohden understand that “the ability to feel pain and suffer is part of what makes us human beings able to give and receive love." 

By the time she graduated from high school in May of 1996 left she knew she would go to college and envisioned a career in politics and law perhaps working in DC. But  God had other plans – plans that far exceeded her expectations, plans that included the deep-seated secrets behind her biological parents relationship,  her conception and what exactly happened that made her an abortion survivor.

The secrets would almost take a full decade to unveil and would lead to devastating truths, criminal violations, grief for the dead, praise for the living, and the reunions that would reveal God’s ordained purpose and love in her life. 

In Memoriam Poem by Alexis Rhone Fancher - dedicated to Lynn Cutolo murdered on October 3, 2007

Chris Rice Cooper 

caccoop@aol.com

https://www.facebook.com/christalann.ricecooper

*The images in this specific piece are granted copyright privilege by:  Public Domain, CCSAL, GNU Free Documentation Licenses, Fair Use Under The United States Copyright Law, or given copyright privilege by the copyright holder which is identified beneath the individual photo.

**Some of the links will have to be copied and then posted in your search engine in order to pull up properly

Chris Rice Cooper’s Scripted Interview with Alexis Rhone Fancher

Enter Here “For Lynnie in the Dark”

In May of 2017 KYSO Flash Press

http://www.kysoflash.com/Books.aspx#EnterHere

published Enter Here by Alexis Rhone Fancher http://www.alexisrhonefancher.com with cover design by Clare MacQueen https://www.facebook.com/clare.macqueen in collaboration with Alexis Rhone Fancher https://www.facebook.com/alexis.fancher.

       In this scripted interview Fancher talks about her experience of writing the poem “For Lynnie in the Dark” which is one of the many elegy poems in her poetry collection Enter Here.  

1.

Can you go into great detail about the writing of “For Lynnie in the Dark” from the moment the idea was first conceived in your brain until final form on the page? –

This poem went through over 20 edits/rewrites and 8 drafts before I was satisfied. I worked from notes written as early as 2007, and up to 2016. It was complicated. I wanted to get it right, and there was such a huge saga, surrounding Lynn’s death. I waited a long time, even to begin crafting the poem. Then there were the ongoing decisions as to what to include and what could be left out. Every time I tried to delve deeply into my feelings about Lynn’s life and death, I fell apart.  Above Left:  Alexis Rhone Fancher at a poetry reading for Enter Here on September 10, 2017. Photo attributed to Lisa Segal.

2.

Where were you when you learned that Lynn Cutolo had been murdered?

I’d gone to lunch with a friend. When I returned, there was an urgent email on my computer, from Marilyn, Lynn’s best friend since elementary school. The subject line said: “Call Me Now! Something Terrible Has Happened To Lynnie.” My mind went crazy. I imagined a horrible car crash, an armed robbery at a gas station, a freak accident on a plane. Never in a million years did I imagine she had been murdered. It was unthinkable.  Above Right:  Home in Daper, Utah where Lynn Cutolo was murdered.  

3.

Did you know Lynn personally?  If so can you describe your friendship with her?

Lynn was a close friend. When we met in the mid-80’s, we bonded instantly. Lynn was lively, smart, successful and accomplished. Beautiful. Stylish. Great fun. Adventurous. She had a rapier wit and was funny as hell. She held regular lunches for her many girlfriends at her beautifully-furnished condo in Playa Del Rey. She called these get togethers “Ladies Who Lunch,” and we all dressed up and wore outrageous hats. Lynn made her signature martinis, lasagna and yummy desserts. All diets were off. Good times.  Above Left:  The Beach at Playa del Rey, California.  Attributed to Mike Izzy.  Public Domain. 

4.

Can you describe the physical form of the poem?

“For Lynnie in the Dark” is written in sixteen, 3-line stanzas, and one, stand alone line at the end. It didn’t start off that way, but resolved itself into that form. It made the most sense to me that way.

5.

Where were you when you wrote the poem?  Can you describe the environment you inhabited when you wrote the poem?

I wrote “For Lynnie in the Dark” where I write all my poems, at my computer in my studio. (Left) I save each draft, and am able to compare them as I edit/rewrite. I began working seriously on this poem in early 2015 and finished the final draft in August of 2016.

6.

I am a bit confused – I remember when Ted Bundy was executed that Friday in January of 1989 in Florida. (I stayed up all night that Thursday well into Friday watching the news reports.) And that Daniel murdered his wife Lynn in Draper, Utah in 2007.   I took it that in your eighth stanza the last line “He Heard Ted Bundy was imprisoned nearby” suggests Ted Bundy was living when they moved to Utah? 

Sorry that’s confusing. Dan was morbid toward the end, and Ted Bundy seemed the proper image to convey that. Perhaps it would have been clearer if the line had read, “He heard Ted Bundy had been imprisoned nearby.” Sigh. Just goes to show you a poem can always be improved. 

7.

Enter Here has been described as literary erotic book but I liked to describe it as psychological poetry.  I especially thought the elegies to individuals both living and dead were compelling.  How would you describe Enter Here?  How would you like your readers to describe Enter Here?

The words “honest, fearless, and sensual” come to mind. I would like my readers to describe Enter Here as a book that gives them permission to speak their own truth, and to be fierce. Above all, I want people to be empowered by my poems, and to own their lives. Above Left:  Alexis Rhone Rancher at a poetry reading.  

8.

Can you share with me some factual/ backstory about the poem?

      Nobody had all the pieces. We put it all together at the memorial. Lynn had visited me in LA a month before she died. We had a lovely time together, hanging out on the beach, catching up. Since Lynn and Dan had moved to Draper, our time together was far less frequent. We made the most of those days, just fun at first, but on that last day before she went back home, Lynn’s mood turned dark. She shared that her marriage had taken a downward turn that Dan had lost his job and had severely damaged his back, resulting in opioid addiction. “He just lays on the couch all day, watching TV and complaining,” Lynn confided. She said she still loved Dan, but was no longer in love with him. That marrying him had been a terrible mistake. She said he’d been verbally abusive but had never physically touched her. She swore to it.

     

Lynn shared that she was putting money into a separate account, saving up enough money to leave Dan. She was going to ask for a divorce. I asked her again if he was physically abusing her. She vehemently denied it. If Lynn had told us the truth, we would never have let her leave LA and fly back to Utah. Her friends would have kept her safe from him, if any one of us had had all the pieces.

      At the memorial, the “Ladies Who Lunch” compared notes. Lynn had shared different parts of the story with each of us. No one knew everything. I knew about the bank account and the verbal abuse. Another friend witnessed the physical abuse, said Dan had pushed Lynn down a flight of stairs. Someone else told us about the threats. Another one knew about the financial devastation Dan was wreaking. Once we put it all together, everything was crystal clear. A pathway to brutal murder. Above Right - Image attributed to Alexis Rhone Fancher 

9.

Anything you would like to add?

I wrote “For Lynnie in the Dark” to honor Lynn. She was a shining star, gone far too soon. I miss her.  I took this photo of Lynn Cutolo on Sept. 1st, 2007. She died a little over a month later.

For Lynnie in the Dark

She married him in Vegas.

She’d already paid for the chapel.

She did it to please her dying mom.

She fingered his photo in her pocket.

He gave her his adored mom’s ruby ring.

She didn’t know what synthetic meant.

She walked down the aisle in a panic.

He didn’t tell her he’d always been an orphan.

She had forgotten her bouquet.

He liked aimless drives in the desert.

He liked how she mated his socks.

He kissed her senseless.

Their bedroom was an illusion.

He stepped into his pants like a fireman.

He was in cahoots with the Lord.

She had an Italian complexion.

She’d recenlty lost her keys.

He had exceptional footwork.

She sold her condo near the beach.

She sold her Santa Fe-style furniture.

He allowed her to take both cats.

He paid for everything on her Visa.

He moved her to a small town in Utah.

He heard Ted Bundy was imprisoned nearby.

She got knee-deep into religion .

She got her real estate license.

He got a pink slip on Friday.

He blamed it on her and the meds.

He dreamed of red meat and hawks, circling.

She made more money than God.

She danced ino his head like a migraine.

He had his second stepfather’s temper.

She called Dial-A-Prayer, then hung up.

He followed the tele-novellas.

He was headed for a cliff when the car stalled.

She put Revlon concealer on her bruises.

He fell off the couch.

She was in L.A. when it hit her.

She opened a secret bank account and drove back to Utah.

He shot her the first time in the leg.

She didn’t move.

He watched her not moving.

She remembered she forgot to feed the cats.

She curled up.

She squeezed her eyes shut.

He squeezed the trigger.

He squeezed it again.

She knew her dancing days were done.

He shot himself in the head.

     --for Lynn Cutolo, murdered on October 3, 2007.  RIP 

Award Winning Poet's First Fiction Novel Set During The St. Louis World's Fair of 1904 . .

Chris Rice Cooper 

caccoop@aol.com

https://www.facebook.com/christalann.ricecooper

 Chris Rice Cooper’s Analysis on the historical/fiction/suspense novel Finding the Raven

by Poet Patty Dickson Pieczka

“My main focus of writing has been poetry, but with Finding the Raven, I've branched out into fiction using the skills I learned studying poetic imagery. I was inspired by my grandparents' era, and most particularly by my great uncle Charlie (uncle charlie above with Patty's grandfather John right in 1900), who was a hobo and wrote of his travels to the St. Louis World's Fair and across the country to live with Native Americans. I imagined what he might have seen in St. Louis and what he might have done, though he didn't appear as a main character in the book. Researching the times was fascinating, and at the SIU Library I found newspapers from April 1904. I wondered what it would be like to have answered ads from the classifieds at that time. So in my story I used actual excerpts from the old newspapers and went in search of "what if."

--Patty Dickson Pieczka on the writing of Finding the Raven

Finding the Raven, published by White Stagg an imprint of Ravenswood Publishing http://ravenswoodpublishing.
com/bookpages/findingtheraven.html is about many things – history, murder, suspense, domestic violence, love, but more compellingly it is about authentic friendship between two women -  poor Julia Dulac and wealthy Rose Hillman.

Julia and her father are enjoying their last night working for William Piquette’s traveling theater troupe in 1904 St. Louis.  For the first time Julia is in the audience watching her father give his last performance, only to watch him being crushed to death by a metal weight on stage. Photo left Starr husband and wife team in the Traveling Troupe production of Mahatman Mysteries in St. Louis.

After his quick burial at Calvary Cemetery (right) Julia learns from her father’s attorney that she is penniless due to her father’s so called debts.  Everything must be sold – the house and all of its contents - to go toward the so-called debt.  Julia immediately goes back to their house to pack what little she is able to take - clothes, candles, comb, brush, a few books, her father’s four-leaf clover in wax paper, and the 4-inch ceramic pink Buddha her father always said would bring good luck.  With her last $10 she rents a room from Mrs. McKinney’s boarding house . . .

Rose Hillman is from a wealthy family but is not ashamed of the love she has for poor bank-teller Eric Swenson.  Despite her parent’s disapproval she wants to marry him, especially when she discovers she is pregnant with his child.  Her father is furious and kicks her out of the home and community of St. Paul, Minnesota and onto a ship that is sailing for St. Louis where he accompanies his daughter to Mrs. McKinney’s boarding house and leaves her there with only $60 and a warning – he will return exactly one year from today and he will only take her back if she’s married with someone of an equal or higher standing or if she is single and childless. Above image is of the St. Louis World's Fair in Festival Hall 1904 public domain.

The two young women become the best of friends sharing each others secrets, dreams and fears.  Rose answers a matrimonial ad and Julie finds a job as a seamstress. Image right from an advertisement in The St. Louis Republic May 8, 1905.  Public Domain. 

Then Julia’s boss makes a sexual advance that she resists.  As a result she has no job and returns to her room in the boarding house and in anger hurls the pink ceramic Buddha against the wall.  With regret she picks up the shards and discovers a black crystal.  

She takes the black crystal to a reputable and honest jeweler to have it appraised and learns it is a very rare and highly valuable tourmaline black crystal.  The jeweler tells her it has a rainbow of colors and is used by sorcerers and soothsayers.  He recommends that she keep the black crystal in a bank box in her own name.

That very night Julia returns home and before she goes to bed she looks into the black crystal and sees a black raven flying, its beak holding colorful ribbons.

Then Julia learns from a fortune-teller that the black crystal is more than tourmaline but a spirit called the Raven that knows all things – and slowly the Raven reveals secrets and visions to Julia. . things that could lead to her own happiness or her own demise. 

*Raised in Evanston, Illinois as a writer's daughter, Patty Dickson Pieczka found a strong appreciation of poetry. She graduated from the Creative Writing Program at Southern Illinois University in 2006 and, while there, spent two summers as an editorial intern at Crab Orchard Review. 

She fell in love with the area and moved to Carbondale, where she and her husband John own and manage a small rental business. They spend their free time exploring the lakes, trails, and bluffs of southern Illinois, from which Patty draws inspiration for her writing. She also enjoys music and played cello with the SIU symphony for more than ten years.

Her first book, Lacing Through Time, was published by Bellowing Ark Press in 2011, and her chapbook Word Paintings (Snark Publishing) was published in 2002. One of her poems was nominated for an Illinois Arts Council Award, and she was the recipient of the 2010 Frances Locke Memorial Poetry Award.

Her second book of poetry Painting the Egret’s Echo won the Library of Poetry Book Award for 2012 from the Bitter Oleander Press, and she was the featured poet in their Spring 2014 issue.  

Her short play won first prize from the Paradise Alley Players and she received first place in the fiction contest at John A Logan College.  Other awards include the Maria W. Faust Sonnet Contest in the Best Sonnet category, the ISPS poetry contest for 2012.

Readers can contact Patty via her web page http://www.
patty writes.net  or her Face-
book page at https://

www.facebook.
com/patty.
dicksonpieczka