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Jacqueline Trimble
“The Violence of Ordinary Days”
The Violence of Ordinary Days
The state of Alabama will electrocute Henry Francis Hays for
beating [Michael Donald] a black man to death 16 years ago, and then hanging
his body from a tree. . . . It is a story of contrasts: The murderer, a white
man, grew up in a home filled with hate and violence. The victim was reared by
a loving mother and doting older siblings.
From Frances Coleman, Mobile Register, 1st
June, 1997
When a rabbit, or anything else, bumping along the dark road
dies under a wheel, the thrill
is like taking a sharp turn into oncoming traffic, then off
a bridge. Suddenly, I am the rabbit,
scampering across the field; the hind leg of a bull bashes
in my head. As I go down
I see a twelve year old boy riding a bike along the
street. A gun falls from his pocket,
discharges loudly. He
picks it up, reloads, continues on his way.
My car continues
in a quick, ungraceful arc off the Edmund Pettus Bridge,
where long ago marchers felt
a rage of clubs and
fists, a few dogs for good measure.
Years later a woman stood
on that historic bloody spot calling to a daughter a
thousand miles away. Below her, the
river
is filled with bodies, their lips as blue as blue jays. She slipped across the rails as simply
as the boy slipped more bullets in his gun, and my hand once
slipped across my sister’s open
face for saying, “Bitch.”
I struck her twice, the feel of my palm against her skin, delicious, a
silken purple scarf I feathered across your trusting
neck. I might have killed you then,
kicked
you beyond a bloody pulp, hanged your body by the Krispy
Kreme; instead, I left you for a
banker, the same day
the State put a wayward boy to death.
Sorry, but this is who I am:
a thoughtless woman who never swerves in time to save a
rabbit, but drives on along
the darkening road, the sun at her back, the wounded in her
wake.
This poem began, as many of my poems begin, as two separate
ideas at two separate moments of genesis years apart.
Moment one – I
was driving down a dark road one night, and hit (or almost hit) a rabbit which
appeared in my headlights. I was too
afraid too look back and see if I had indeed hit it, and I thought living every day is a violent act. We are
always doing damage to something or someone whether intentionally or
accidentally and much of the time we are blithely unaware or unconcerned about
or too afraid to look at the violence around us until it affects us.
Moment two – I
watched a documentary about the Southern Poverty Law Center and the lynching of
Michael Donald. I was struck by how the
young men who killed him could not themselves explain why they had done it
except to say they had been consumed by the violence rhetoric to which they had
been exposed.
Years later I
read the account from which the poem’s epigram comes, noted the violent
upbringing of Hays and thought about how violence begets violence. That it is pervasive, daily and ordinary. Though Hays becomes famous for the brutality
and historical significance of his act, he had lived a history of violence long
before any part he played in Michael Donald’s death.
But don’t we
all have our own histories of violence?
Isn’t the violence connected? To
what? A larger, ordinary fabric of
violence?
At the time I
wrote this poem, I had this idea about living as a violent act. The first iteration of the poem was actually
called “Random Violence.” I wanted to
write a poem of long lines that seemed to merge into each other to enact the
notion we live along a constant string
of violence, seen in incidents small and great – hitting creatures in the road
way, car accidents, suicide, domestic familial violence, historical acts,
emotional violence, and so on.
We are
surrounded by violence, we are victims of violence, and we perpetuate violence,
intentionally and unintentionally. The
rabbit incident I spoke of above was my starting point:
When a
rabbit, or anything else, bumping along the dark road dies uynder a wheel, the
thrill is like taking a sharp turn into oncoming traffic, then off a
bridge. Suddenly, you are the rabbit,
I had the
first part of the line immediately – when
a rabbit, or anything else, bumping along the dark road dies under a wheel
– but then it occurred to me that this moment would not be scary, that the poem
needed to make its own turn as well to get the idea that there is a visceral,
emotional payoff to violence, a “thrill,” and a sort of deliciousness that
allows to live with it.
Once I made
the move, I had the structure of the poem.
Every line would take us on a slightly different path or connection
through the thrill, horror and joy of all sorts of violence because though we
often shrink from it, we also are fascinated by it.
The repetition
in the poem connects the random acts of violence to each other rhetorically,
and the emotion which undergirds each act is slightly incongruous with how we
want to think of violence.
So, the poem
went on like that. I didn’t want to
differentiate among the different types of violence. I didn’t want to hierarchize them. I wanted small acts and cataclysmic ones to
be all of a piece, thus a random accident is connected to “Bloody Sunday” is
connected to a woman committing suicide is connected to the speaker’s slapping
her sister is connected to leaving a lover – it’s different and the same.
The initial
poem contained no reference to Hays or the twelve-year-old boy and is written
in the second person. But I was not
satisfied.
Some poems
come to me quickly and feel finished.
Some get put aside for years.
“The Violence of Ordinary Days’ is a poem that got put aside for years,
and then I read two articles – one was about Henry Francis Hays and the other
was about pervasive and systematic urban violence among preteens and teens. The articles were not related in any way, but
they clicked in my head as being related and as being the missing parts of my
poem.
I changed it
to the first person. I wanted the
speaker to embody all of those who had intentionally perpetrated violence,
those who had experienced the devastation of it in various forms, and those who
continue to do it with acceptance that this is “who I am.”
I added the
lines about the twelve year old boy – a found piece form the article or urban
teen violence that recounts how the writer sees a boy on a bicycle riding down
the street drop a gun pick it up and reload as if the child were picking up a
dropped bag. It was disturbing and
fascinating that we live in a time when twelve year old children on bicycles
carry guns and think nothing of reloading them on a public street. The juxtaposition of the bicycle and the
loaded gun took two ordinary things and made them extraordinary.
The Hays piece
seemed to connect the past to more recent events, and I thought at the same time Hays is being put to death for his violence, a
woman is breaking the hear of her lover.
Again, two events connected only in that they share (or could share) the
same moment in history. So I put the choice that Hays made in the
woman’s hands – beat a man to a bloody pulp and hang him by the Krispy Kreme –
but had her make a different choice in order to show that the difference
between the two acts, though widely divergent in intent and result, are not as
distant as we would like to imagine.
In other
words, we make violence choices every day, we are all capable of horrendous
violence, and yet we comfort ourselves by saying at least I didn’t do a thing
as terrible as that. So, we drive on oblivious
to the destruction we leave behind. We
are all, to some extent, predator and prey (bull and rabbit), victim and
perpetrator. And the thing that
separates which we are, is not as solid as we imagine.
*Poet Jacqueline Trimble teaches literature and chairs the
Department of Languages and Literatures at Alabama State University. She has been reading writing poetry since she
was six years old. Her first poetry book
collection American Happiness, published by New South Books, will be
released later this year. For more
information contact Trimble via email at jtrimble@alasu.edu, or call 334-229-8501.
Photo Description and Copyright Information
Photos 1, 4, and 6
Jacqueline Trimble giving a poetry reading at the Alabama
Book Festival in April of 2014.
Attributed to Jeanine Thompson.
Copyright granted by Jacqueline Trimble.
Photo 2
Article clip on the death of Michael Donald.
Photo 3
Michael Donald image and summery of his death, Hays’ trial,
and Mrs Donald’s lawsuit which she won.
Fair Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo 5
Henry Francis Hays.
Fair Use Under the United States Copyright Law.
Stunning poem. As big-hearted and compassionate as it is shocking.
ReplyDeleteIsn't the third photo a picture of a display in the museum at the Southern Poverty Law Center. Thank you for NOT using the crime scene photographs. I wish it were easier to find pictures of Donald alive than dead. Sadly, not the case.