Christal Cooper
Article 3,577 Words
Chris Cooper Interviews Bette Parslow On Dith
Pran: Love, Tomatoes, & Dogs
On March 30, seven years ago, the subject of the 1984
academy award winning film The Killing Fields, Dith Pran, 65,
died of pancreatic cancer at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital in New
Brunswick, New Jersey.
Born on September 23, 1942 in Siem Reap, Cambodia, Pran was
educated in French and self-taught in English.
He also taught himself photography, which would prove useful in future
endeavors.
In 1960, after completing high school, Pran was hired as a
translator for the United States Military Assistance Command.
Five years later Pran was hired as a translator for the
British film crew of the Peter O’Toole movie, Lord Jim. He also worked as a hotel
receptionist at the Angkor Wat Hotel.
In 1970, Lon Nol, backed by the U.S., seized power of the
Cambodian capital Phnom Penh from the Pol Pot’s Khmer Rouge. Pran and his family moved to Phnom Penh where
he worked as a guide and interpreter for The New York Times
journalists.
In 1973, he became assistant to The New York Times
journalist Sydney Schanberg.
In April 1975, the
Pol Pot’s Khmer Rouge forces overthrew Lon Nol’s forces, and the U.S. withdrew
its troops from Vietnam. Vietnam was
conquered by the Khmer Rouge.
On April 12, 1975 all remaining U.S. troops left Cambodia and
the American Embassy was evacuated.
Pran, aided by Schanberg, boarded his wife and four children on a
military truck to safety.
Pran, Schanberg, and two other New York Times
journalists stayed behind to report on the war.
The streets were bloody and the Khmer Rouge became more and more
powerful: three million Cambodians were
forced out of their country and many others were slaughtered.
In late April of 1975, Pran, Schanberg, and the two
journalists visited a hospital where they were arrested by the Khmer Rouge and
held for execution. Pran convinced
authorities that the foreign journalists were French Nationals and, as a
result, they were all released. The four
sought refuge in the French Embassy.
Within days foreigners were asked to turn in their passports
and Cambodians were ordered to leave.
Attempts were made by Pran’s journalist friends to give Pran a fake
French passport but those attempts failed.
Pran was then forced to flee to the countryside. Schanberg and his two fellow journalists were
one of those last to evacuate the French Embassy.
By the end of April, Pran was captured by the Khmer Rouge and
sentenced to a Cambodian Labor Camp for life.
He endured beatings, backbreaking labor and a diet of insects, rats,
snakes, exhumed corpses, and one teaspoon of rice per day.
The Khmer Rouge’s goal was to murder all of the educated as
well as anyone who exhibited Western influence.
They hoped to recreate Cambodia as an agrarian society. The Khmer Rouge executed anyone wearing
eyeglasses, perfume, makeup, or watches.
In order to survive, Pran feigned illiteracy, denied any American ties,
wore peasant clothing, and posed as a taxi driver.
In November of 1978 Vietnam invaded Cambodia and overthrew the
Khmer Rouge. Pran traveled back to his
hometown of Siem Reap, and found that at least fifty family members had been
murdered. His hometown honored him by
asking him to become village chief but he sensed they knew of his American ties
and fled.
Shortly thereafter, in September of 1979, Pran, along with two
companions, set out on a 60-mile-journey toward the Thailand border hiding from
bloodthirsty soldiers and avoiding the numerous land mines, which ultimately
killed his companions. On October 3,
1979 Pran walked across the border to Thailand alone.
Pran and Schanberg were reunited one week later at the
Thailand refugee camp. By this time over
a third of the Cambodian population had been murdered by the Khmer Rouge. Pran coined the phrase “the killing
fields” to describe the corpses and skulls he saw during the
60-mile-four-day-journey.
In 1980 Schanberg wrote “The Death and Life of Dith Pran”
for the New York Times Sunday
Magazine.
Pran testified before the U.S. House and Senate subcommittees
on East Asia and the Pacific. In 1985,
the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees appointed him Goodwill
Ambassador.
In 1986, Pran, along with
his first wife, Ser Moeun Dith, became a U.S. citizen.
In 1997 he and his second wife Kim DePaul
collaborated on a book of essays: Children of Cambodia’s Killing
Fields: Memoirs by Survivors.
Pran founded the Dith Pran Holocaust Awareness Project, which
is presided over today by his ex-wife, Kim DePaul. The DPHAP’s mission is to “educate American students about the mass
killing, and the reign of terror of the Khmer Rouge.”
Pran’s survivors are his long-time companion Bette J Parslow;
ex-wives Ser Moeun Pran and Kim DePaul; one sister Samproeuth; one daughter
Hemkarey; three sons Titony, Titonath, Titonel; six grandchildren; two step
grandchildren; and his best friend and colleague Sydney Schanberg.
His remains were cremated in a private ceremony and rest at a
Buddhist temple in Washington D.C.
The one thing that will never die is Pran’s story that of The
Killing Fields, described by Schanberg as “The story he cared about the most.”
Pran gave an interview while in the hospital two weeks before
his death: “Please every body the world must stop the
killing fields. One time is too many. If they can do that for me, my spirit will be
happy.”
And Pran did have a
happy spirit, especially since May of 2000, when he met English and American
History teacher Bette Parslow, while he was speaking at her school.
“In fact, it was my birthday. I stayed
in the auditorium to sign late passes for my students. When I went out into the
hall Pran was waiting for me. He asked my if I was gong to the luncheon. I said
no, it was only for administrators and city officials, not for the teachers who
had prepared the students. He said then you will come as my guest. So I
did. At the luncheon he asked for my e-mail address. In an email he asked for
my phone number. A few days later he called and asked me out for dinner. The
rest, as they say, is history.”
Throughout their eight years together Pran would continue to
give speaking engagements. To the
public, Pran wanted every individual to remember The Killing Fields. He wanted them to never forget how he was one
amongst millions tortured by the Khmer Rouge.
He also did not want anyone to forget the three million Cambodians
murdered by the Khmer Rouge.
But this was his public persona, or rather, only the part of
himself that he would willingly share to the public. The other side of him he only revealed to
those he was most intimate with and to those he trusted. And perhaps the person he trusted the most
was Parslow his companion of eight years.
Parlsow described Pran as so much more than just The Killing Fields.
“He was a kind,
funny, interesting man – almost childlike in his enthusiasm about life. He was a very funny person – often without
meaning to be. He was a lot of fun and a
constant source of joy and love of life.”
When the two first started their romance Parslow had her two
cats Slick and Annie and Pran had a Maltese named Rosee.
“She was the first
pet he had ever had and he adored her.
When we had her put to sleep he cried.
I adopted Gabby because she needed a home and Pran needed a dog. He did not like her at first because she is
not really a Maltese and looks more like a terrier. He said she has a pointy nose and doesn’t
“attract”. It wasn’t long before she won
him over however. We took her
everywhere, including his son’s wedding.”
While Pran worked for the New York Times as a photojournalist
( a position he held since 1980) and Parslow taught English and American
History, they shared a condominium together.
When they were not working, they sought refuge at their shore home
located on a New Jersey island.
“This island goes
from packed to deserted in the weeks following Labor Day. Pran loved it here. After years of being in the public eye, he
enjoyed the peace and the quiet. We were
here when he became ill in early December but stayed until late January because
we knew once we left, he would never return although we never said that out
loud. We just knew."
Pran’s pancreatic cancer worsened and he had to stay
in a rehabilitation hospital, which welcomed animals, enabling Pran to see
Gabby.
"Gabby and I met him at the entrance the
day he was transferred there. He cried
when he saw her and for the fist time in several weeks was animated and
upbeat. There really is something to be
said for pet therapy. Gabby is usually a
high energy little dog but when she was at the hospital she curled up next to
him and slept quietly for hours while he pet her.”
When Pran’s family learned of his illness, his ex wife
contacted Parslow.
“He was estranged
from them when I met him. I decided to
get them to reconcile. When he was
diagnosed his ex-wife wanted to come help take care of him. I though it would be nice for them to have
the last months of his life together to have some kind of closure.”
With Parslow’s encouragement, Pran reunited with his family,
who remained with him to the very end.
“It was an unfair
way to die but it was his fate. At
least I was able to bring his family together in the last years of his life and
they were there at the end when it counted.”
At his funeral, Parslow was saddened that her name was not
mentioned. She was even more saddened
that those who spoke at his funeral could only speak of his past, back in the
days of The Killing Fields.
“I am really the
only one who had daily contact with him the last 8 years. He was a bit of a recluse. I think that was part of the problem. They had nothing to say new about him – just
stories of the past.”
Despite the pain of not being mentioned and not knowing the
final resting place of Pran’s ashes, Parslow wouldn’t change any aspect of her
relationship with Pran.
“Pran and I were
companions for 8 years. I would not
trade a minute for something more safe or traditional.”
In
June of 2008, Bette was invited by Pran’s colleague, Marilyn Yee, to speak at
his memorial at The Times Center in New York City. After some hesitation, Bette accepted the
invitation. Her main goal was to reveal
the major aspects of Pran’s identity that had nothing to do with just The
Killing Fields.
“I waned them to know Pran as an
everyday private person. He was a lot of
fun and a constant source of joy and love of life. I miss him everyday.”
Bette,
with their dog Gabby, walked on the beach for a few days, thinking of what to
write, and literally wrote the speech in her head during those walks.
“The only problem was how to end it.
My neighbor Maria was here for the weekend a week before the
memorial. She made that remark about
never knowing any one like him again, and I knew I had my ending.”
My
name is Bette. Pran was my companion and
best friend for 8 years until he passed away in March. In my heart, he will always be my companion
and best friend.
Many
of you have known Pran longer, worked with him, socialized with him. I wondered what I could share with you that
you didn’t already know. I decided to
tell you about his tomatoes.
I
have a house at the Jersey shore where we spent all of our summers and have
lived most of the time the last two years.
The first summer he wanted to take over my flower garden to grow
vegetables. Flowers he said are a waste
of time. So we compromised, and I had a
garden built for his vegetables in the yard behind the house. It wasn’t enough. The following year he convinced me to take
down the overgrown blue spruce and put a circular garden in its place. It also wasn’t enough. Another circular garden followed but it still
wasn’t enough. There was no more room
for permanent gardens so he announced he would solve the problem the Cambodian
way – which means an ingenious, unorthodox, creative solution, 10 gallon
storage boxes – 12 of them – scattered around the yard and driveway. Last summer we had over 2 dozen tomato
plants, 12 eggplants, countless peppers so hot they burned my hands when I
chopped them to make salsa, cucumbers, and beans. In other words we had a working farm. He used to get up at 4:30 to tend his garden;
weed, water, and make sure the tomatoes were secure in their cages. Sleep, he believed, was a waste of time. I could hear him outside talking to his
tomatoes – You’re beautiful, he would tell them, You do good job, and his
highest praise – You are very professional.
The
tomato crop was epic – beautiful tomatoes from the small sweet cherry to his
personal favorite, the mighty beefsteak, ripening daily by the dozens. We ate them at every meal, chopped them up
and froze them for the winter, made sauce, soup – there were too many. We gave bags full to all our neighbors –
there were still too many. So, it was
time for another one of Pran’s Cambodian solutions. He began waiting at the fence for people
walking back from he beach. As they
approached he would say, “Hello, do you like tomatoes?” Their first reaction was wary hesitation but
he always won them over with his disarming smile. “Yes,” most answered. “We love tomatoes, especially home grown
Jersey tomatoes.” “Wait here,” he would
say, and disappear behind the house returning with a bag bulging with an
assortment of ripe tomatoes. Can you
imagine the looks on their faces?
Disbelief. They went off with
their prize after a lot of laugher and thank you’s. The tomato problem was solved – with good
humor and generosity.
In the weeks after Pran’s funeral, our
neighbors began returning to their shore houses on weekends. Only Colleen and Frank knew of his
illness. Colleen gave Pran the famous
buzz cut just before he went back to Woodbridge to be closer to his doctors and
the hospital. The others could not
believe he was gone, and they were amazed to learn he was famous. To them he was the friendly smiling neighbor
who gave them vegetables from his garden, walked his dog Gabby to the beach at
dawn to watch the sunrise, took long bike rides with Gabby in the special dog
safe basket he ordered from sky mall, and cooked everything on his grill,
including bacon and eggs. Our neighbors
Rob and Maria, like many others, rented The
Killing Fields to learn more about the man Maria gossiped with over the
back fence. Pran loved to gossip. Maria said, “Bette, what a life. The things he’s done. What he’s been through. I can’t believe I complained about my in laws
to him.” Then she got very serious and
said, “In my whole life, I will never meet anyone like him ever again.” Isn’t that why we are here today sharing our
memories? We will never meet any one
like him ever again.
Since giving the speech, Bette reminisces even more about what
made Pran the individual that he was and the memories they experienced
together.
“Pran loved to take road trips. We often got in the car
with Gabby and set out for places like Valley Forge, Lancaster County, Jockey
Hollow, Monmouth Battlefield, and Bull Run. He loved history and liked to
explore places where history took place.
We were also planning to rent an RV and drive cross county with Gabby.
The best Christmas we spent together was a few years ago.
He was working that day. We went to Washington Crossing Park in Pennsylvania to
take pictures of the reenactment of Washington crossing the Delaware to
surprise the Hessians in Trenton. It was a beautiful day but very cold. You
would not believe the number of people that were out in the cold to watch
history reenacted. On the way home we stopped at a Vietnamese restaurant
and ate noodle soup, spring rolls, and lok lak.
Every year in April we went to the Cambodian New Year
celebration either in Philadelphia or Camden. There is traditional folk
dancing, lots of food, and monks chanting in the temple. One year we stopped at
the Camden waterfront and toured the battleship New Jersey. One of the best
days we spent was at the Museum of Natural History. He especially liked the
exhibits about primitive man and how they developed ways to cope with their
environment. His comments always began with “How in the planet? How in the planet did they know to sharpen
that spear? How in the planet did they
decide to put that meat in the fire? How
in the planet did they make that dog their companion?” And always with a sense of wonder and
fascination. It was another one of those days that I'll always remember and
smile.
Pran was more than a genocide survivor. He was a warm, funny, unique individual. Even though Pran is gone he left behind a
legacy of smiles.”
It’s been seven years since Dith Pran’s
death, and those few years have been bittersweet ones for Parslow. Her house located on a New Jersey island,
between the ocean and the bay, survived Superstorm Sandy, but she and her
neighbors had to evacuate and were not allowed back to the island until four
months later; and it took even longer to get the necessary utility inspections
and restorations completed.
The most difficult loss was that of
Gabby, the beloved dog owned by Dith and herself, who was attacked and killed
by a pit bull while the two were taking a walk along the beach. Even after two years, Parslow still finds it
extremely upsetting, but she has hope.
“Gabby is with Pran now.”
Parslow’s life is full and she is now the caretaker of three dogs: Sabai which means good health or good fortune
in Khmer; Yoda; and a special needs dog,
eleven year old Tyson. And of course her cat Slick.
“The sad things that happened to me
are no worse than the sad things everyone deals with. Sadness is a risk one takes when embracing
new experiences. So I guess I will pass
on the quotes from poets and philosphers and go with one of my favorite figtures
in history, General George Patton, and soldier on.”
Photograph Description and Copyright Information
Photo 1
Dith Pran, Bette Parslow, and Gabby
March 2008
Copyright granted by Bette Parslow
Photo 2
The Killing Fields movie poster
Fair Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo 3
Map of Cambodia
Public Domain
Photo 4
Lord Jim movie poster
Fair Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo 5
Lon Nol
Public Domain
Photo 6
Jacket cover of Beyond The Killing Fields
Photo 7
Pol Pot
Public Domain
Photo 8
Ser Moeun and children Titony, Titonath, Titonel, and Hemkarey.
This photo was taken in San Francisco upon their entry to the United States from Cambodia
Fair Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo 9
The Killing Fields move poster depicted the scene where the journalists are held by the Khmer Rouge.
Fair Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo 10
Dith Pran in February in February 1975
Fair Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo 11
The Killing Fields movie poster and booklet
Fair Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo 12
Map of Thailand and Cambodia
Public Domain
Photo 13
The Killing Fields
Public Domain
Photo 14
Jacket cover of The Death And Life Of Dith Pran by Sydney Schanberg
Photo 15
Ser Moeun Pran and Dith Pran at his appointment to Goodwill Ambassador
Public Domain
Photo 16
Dith Pran and Ser Moeun Pran being sworn in as United States Citizens.
Public Domain
Photo 17
Jacket cover of Children of Cambodia's Killing Fields
Photo 18
Web logo photo for the Dith Pran Holocaust Awarenss Project webpage.
Public Domain
Photo 19
Dith Pran and Bette Parslow
March 2009
Copyright granted by Bette Parslow
Photo 20
Bette Parslow and Gabby
Copyright granted by Bette Parslow
Photo 21
Bette Parslow and Dith Pran at his son's engagement party.
Copyright granted by Bette Parslow
Photo 22
Photos of the victims of the Khmer Rouge
Public Domain
Photo 23
Dith Pran and Gabby
Fair Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo 24
Dith Pran and Bette Parslow at the wedding of his son Tony and daughter-in-law Vornidas.
Copyright granted by Bette Parslow
Photo 25
Image from the brochure cover of the memorial of Dith Pran
Fair Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo 26
Dith Pran and Gabby
Fair Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo 27
Sidney Schanberg and Dith Pran's reunion in Thailand in October 1979.
Fair Use Under the United States Copyright Law
Photo 28
The beach in Spring Lake, New Jersey
Attributed Nick Harris
CCA 2.5 Generic
Photo 29
Bette Parslow speaking at Dith Pran's memorial service in New York City
June 2008
Photo 30
Bette Parslow speaking at Dith Pran's memorial service in New York City
June 2008
Photo 31
Family and friends at Dith Pran's memorial service in New York City.
Far left back row Sam Waterston who portrayed Sydney Schanberg in The Killings Fields
Second from the far right back row is Sydney Schanberg
Second from the right in the white sleeveless blouse is Bette Parslow
Photo 32
Painting of Washington crossing the Delaware
Public Domain
Photo 33 and 34
Dith Pran with Gabby and his tomato plants
Copyright granted by Bette Parslow
Photo 35
Tyson, Sobai, and Yoda
Copyright granted by Bette Parslow
Photo 36
Bette with Sobai
Copyright granted by Bette Parslow.
