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***This is the eighteenth in a never-ending series
called BACKSTORY OF THE POEM where the Chris Rice Cooper Blog (CRC)
focuses on one specific poem and how the poet wrote that specific poem.
Backstory of the Poem
“ARTERIAL DISCOMBOBULATION”
by Juliet Cook
Can you go through the step-by-step process of
writing this poem from the moment the idea was first conceived in your brain
until final form? I can't be step-by-step process about it,
because it was written several years ago, and I have memory issues, as well as
a mild form of
aphasia - but I can tell you what inspired it. What inspired it
was also somewhat related to my aphasia. The reason I have aphasia is because when I was 37, I suffered from an unexpected carotid artery dissection, which caused an aneurysm, which caused a stroke. It resulted in some brain damage and it also seemed to result in divorce from my marriage, exactly one year later. Following that combination of factors, I had discomfort and uncertainty and doubt and questioning and lack of trust related to true love and significant relationships, as well as fear that I might suffer from another unexpected carotid artery dissection/ stroke that made me immobile and/or even more disabled - that damaged my brain far away from the real me.
Where were you when you started to actually write the poem? And please describe the place in great detail. What month and year did you start writing this poem? (Right - Juliet Cook in December of 2011) For similar reasons to the above, I can't describe this in a detailed manner either. My brain has issues with dates and numbers,but I think the poem was
written sometime in 2011. I think it was written during theyear I was temporarily living with my parents, on the brink of and for several months after
my divorce. I spent a lot of my time there inside a bedroom and the adjoining room where I had my computer installed. I
spent a lot of my time trying to write out my thoughts in different (Above Right: Juliet Cook in her "Poet" socks) ways. My small space was filled with unorganized boxes and for a while I thought that was because I didn't have my own space during that time - and that once I
got my own space, I'd arrange itspecifically, creatively, uniquely, and in a clearly organized fashion. But as it turns out, my current space, which IS my own space is still unorganized and cluttered. I am semi-frequently rearranging, misplacing, and
temporarily (sometimes permanently) losing hand written papers and notebooks and other items. For reasons such as these, I do most of my creative writing on my computer in recent years, because it's more save-able and find-able that way.
What do you want readers of this poem to
take from this poem? Readers can take whatever they choose to take from it.
Hopefully, a few readers will be interested in it and/or moved by it and/or relate
to it on their own personal, emotional levels and feel less alone, despite
their distrust of love and fear of non-existence. (Above Right- Broken Doll Head copyright granted by Juliet Cook)
Which part of the poem was the most emotional of you to write and why?
"What if my carotid arteries are predatory beasts?
What if they wish to slaughter my entire neck;
impale me?..."
"...what if
my whole personality gets impaled? What if
I can no longer walk, talk, dance, kiss, speak for myself,
read, or write poetry? What if I lose all my passion, lust,
interest and love? What
if another artery bleeds out
until it removes the real me?"
Nobody knows exactly what caused my carotid artery
dissection, so part of me worries that I have weak or abnormal arteries and
another serious health issue might happen. A little over a year ago, I had a cat scan done to check my neck arteries and they
liked healthy at that time. But I still sometimes worry about suffering from another carotid artery dissection
and either dying or existing as a body that doesn't have my own brain inside it
anymore - or that does have my own brain inside it, but can no longer express
my own thoughts and feelings. (Above Left: Poet's Eye attributed to and copyright granted by Juliet Cook)
Has this poem been published before? And
if so where? This poem previously appeared upon an online site called Body of Words which published anonymous
poetry and art and essays focused on parts of the body (and how they impacted
one's mind on an individual level) and combined with a photo related to that
body part. My poem appeared alongside a
photo of my neck. (Above Right) That site is now
defunct, however.
The poem also appears within my second full-length poetry book, "Malformed
Confetti", which is forthcoming from Crisis Chronicles Press in
2018. (Left - Angelina artwork for the jacket cover of "Malformed Confetti" attributed to Simona Candini)
Anything you would like
to add? Semi-related
to what I mention in this interview, after I had the stroke, I had to relearn
the alphabet and relearn to read and write.
For a while, I could no longer read poetry - and for a while after that,
I could no longer understand poetry, not even my own previously written poetry. (Right: Juliet Cook on October of 2017 copyright granted by Juliet Cook)
After I regained my ability to read and write and understand, I was nervous about attempting to write new poetry, because I was worried that I wouldn't be able to anymore. Thank goodness, I found out I still could, although it did emerge a bit differently than it used to. It still felt like me, but a shorter, more abstract, more visual variation of me. (Left- The Poet's Hand attributed and copyright granted by Juliet Cook)
"ARTERIAL DISCOM-
BOBULATION" includes parts of my language that feel
abstract and visual combined with parts of language that are more basic and
emotional. But prior to that particular poem, I created and self-published a
tiny chapbook-sized collection of poems called "POST-STROKE" that are
short, abstract, but creatively emerged from my healing brain.
ARTERIAL
DISCOMBOBULATION
1.
Slip
- gaps vs. slit - gasps.
I
don’t want to be a weak shell casing;
a
broken stained crème brulee;
an
irrational shape shifting bog.
Blobbing,
clotting, throbbing pupa strangulation.
What
if poisonous insects live inside my veins?
What
if my carotid arteries are predatory beasts?
What
if they wish to slaughter my entire neck;
impale
me? Was that a bodily tremor or
a
body bag streamer?
2.
What
might be sticking out my neck,
bursting
forth from my discolored throat,
and
what if it explodes? Am I wrong,
misshapen,
on the brink of another dissection?
Will
I lose another lover, more power, what if
my
whole personality gets impaled? What if
I
can no longer walk, talk, dance, kiss, speak for myself,
read,
or write poetry? What if I lose all my passion, lust,
interest
and love? What if another artery bleeds
out
until
it removes the real me?
Juliet Cook's (Left on April of 2018 attributed to Dianne Borsenik) poetry has appeared in a small multitude of
magazines, including Arsenic
Lobster, DIAGRAM, Diode, FLAPPERHOUSE, Menacing Hedge and Reality Beach. She is the author of
numerous poetry chapbooks, recently including POISONOUS BEAUTYSKULL
LOLLIPOP
(Grey Book Press, 2013), RED DEMOLITION (Shirt Pocket Press, 2014), a
collaboration with Robert Cole called MUTANT NEURON CODEX SWARM (Hyacinth Girl
Press, 2015), and a collaboration with j/j hastain called Dive Back Down (Dancing Girl Press, 2015). Cook's first full-length individual poetry book, “Horrific Confection”, was
published by BlazeVOX and her second full-length individual poetry book, "Malformed Confetti" is forthcoming from Crisis Chronicles Press. Her most recent full-length poetry book, "A Red Witch, Every Which Way", is a collaboration with j/j hastain published by
Hysterical Books in 2016. She also sometimes creates abstract painting collage art hybrid creatures. She also serves as an editor and publisher for a small indie poetry press, Blood Pudding Press. (Left - Horrific Confection flyer attributed to
Kristin Mahlen)
Dianne Borsenik
The Blood Pudding Press
blog https://bloodyooze.
The Blood Pudding Press
shop https://www.etsy.
Juliet Cook on Twitter
@nonvanilla
Crisis Chronciles Press
Facebook Page
****
Backstory of the Poem Links
001 December 29, 2017
Margo
Berdeshevksy’s “12-24”
002 January 08, 2018
Alexis
Rhone Fancher’s “82 Miles From the Beach, We Order The Lobster At Clear Lake
Café”
003 January 12, 2018
Barbara
Crooker’s “Orange”
004 January 22, 2018
Sonia
Saikaley’s “Modern Matsushima”
005 January 29, 2018
Ellen
Foos’s “Side Yard”
006 February 03, 2018
Susan
Sundwall’s “The Ringmaster”
007 February 09, 2018
Leslea
Newman’s “That Night”
008 February 17, 2018
Alexis
Rhone Fancher “June Fairchild Isn’t Dead”
009 February 24, 2018
Charles
Clifford Brooks III “The Gift of the Year With Granny”
010 March 03, 2018
Scott
Thomas Outlar’s “The Natural Reflection of Your Palms”
011 March 10, 2018
Anya
Francesca Jenkins’s “After Diane Beatty’s Photograph “History Abandoned”
012 March 17, 2018
Angela
Narciso Torres’s “What I Learned This Week”
013 March 24, 2018
Jan
Steckel’s “Holiday On ICE”
014 March 31, 2018
Ibrahim
Honjo’s “Colors”
015 April 14, 2018
Marilyn
Kallett’s “Ode to Disappointment”
016 April 27, 2018
Beth
Copeland’s “Reliquary”
017 May 12, 2018
Marlon
L Fick’s “The Swallows of Barcelona”
018 May 25, 2018
Juliet
Cook’s “ARTERIAL DISCOMBOBULATION”
019 June 09, 2018
Alexis
Rhone Fancher’s “Stiletto Killer. . . A Surmise”
https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/06/19-backstory-of-poem-stiletto-killer.html
020 June 16, 2018
Charles
Rammelkamp’s “At Last I Can Start Suffering”
https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/06/20-backstory-of-poem-at-least-i-can.html
021 July 05, 2018
Marla
Shaw O’Neill’s “Wind Chimes”
022 July 13, 2018
Julia Gordon-Bramer’s
“Studying Ariel”
023 July 20, 2018
Bill Yarrow’s “Jesus
Zombie”
https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/07/23-backstory-of-poem-jesus-zombie-by.html
024 July 27, 2018
Telaina Eriksen’s “Brag
2016”
https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/07/24-backstory-of-poem-brag-2016-by.html
025 August 01, 2018
Seth Berg’s (It is only
Yourself that Bends – so Wake up!”
026 August 07, 2018
David Herrle’s “Devil In
the Details”
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