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****Barbara Linn Probst’s QUEEN OF THE OWLS is #171 in the never-ending series called INSIDE THE EMOTION OF FICTION where the Chris Rice Cooper Blog (CRC) focuses on one specific excerpt from a fiction genre and how that fiction writer wrote that specific excerpt. All INSIDE THE EMOTION OF FICTION links are at the end of this piece
Name of fiction work? And were there other names you considered that you would like to share with us? My novel is called QUEEN OF THE OWLS, and it did have several earlier titles—in fact, finding the right title was almost as hard as writing the book! The title I almost used was HER OWN HAWAII. It “fit,” because the protagonist (Elizabeth) is seeking her own transitional place, the place where she can be renewed, which is what she believes Hawaii was for iconic American painter Georgia O’Keeffe, around whom the book is framed.
But I felt that title would mislead readers into thinking it was a travelogue or a book set in Hawaii, which it isn’t. Before that, it was (briefly) called MORE THAN SHE KNEW because I wanted to capture the book’s theme that cerebral knowledge will never be enough. But that felt too generic, almost like the title of a romance novel.
But I felt that title would mislead readers into thinking it was a travelogue or a book set in Hawaii, which it isn’t. Before that, it was (briefly) called MORE THAN SHE KNEW because I wanted to capture the book’s theme that cerebral knowledge will never be enough. But that felt too generic, almost like the title of a romance novel.
QUEEN OF THE OWLS was an inspiration—and no, there are no owls in the book! The “owl” is Elizabeth’s brainy, bookworm self—the image of herself that she must both embrace and transcend.
What is the date you began writing this piece of fiction and the date when you completely finished the piece of fiction? I began work on QUEEN OF THE OWLS in February 2018. Its “birth” is a good story, in itself! I had enrolled in (and paid for) a year-long mentorship program where I was supposed to be taking a first draft, or at least an outline, all the way to fruition.
But after the first meeting, in January, I realized that the story I was bringing was—in a word, terrible! Unworkable. There I was, committed to a year-long program, with no story! Out of that void and desperation, QUEEN OF THE OWLS “appeared.”
But after the first meeting, in January, I realized that the story I was bringing was—in a word, terrible! Unworkable. There I was, committed to a year-long program, with no story! Out of that void and desperation, QUEEN OF THE OWLS “appeared.”
The story was organic from the very beginning, so I was able to complete it in a very short time, just under a year. Of course, I tweaked the manuscript endlessly, all the way up to 26 pages of post-ARC word changes and refinements! In other words, it was another year of tinkering, tightening, and strengthening.
During the course of writing the novel, I had to learn a tremendous amount about Georgia O’Keeffe. As you’ll see in the attached images, O’Keeffe posed for photographer Alfred Stieglitz, who later became her husband; these are only three of hundreds of photos that Stieglitz took of her, over a period of twenty years.
My Elizabeth yearns to be like O’Keeffe, who seems to embody the elusive wholeness—a union of mind and body, independence and surrender—that she herself seeks. A charismatic photographer convinces her that the way to do that is to re-enact O’Keeffe’s poses. Including the nude ones, of course …
Where did you do most of your writing for this fiction work? And please describe in detail. I’m fortunate to have an idyllic, Zen-like office where I work. My glass-topped desk faces a big double-window that overlooks trees and sky. I have a few objects on the desk that are meaningful to me, including my parents’ anniversary photo from a zillion years ago, a little glass sphere that I made during a recent foray into glassblowing, my little “owl queen” mascot, a gooseneck lamp, phone, coffee cup, a few pens, and not much else. Unless I’m working with a printed copy of a chapter—which I do when there’s a section that’s problematic—I keep my papers and books on the other glass arm of my L-shaped desk. No clutter. Minimalist. That’s what suits me.
What were your writing habits while writing this work- did you drink something as you wrote, listen to music, write in pen and paper, directly on laptop; specific time of day? I write on my laptop, revise on both printed and electronic versions. Total silence, like the glass desktop, is what I need! Serenity. A coffee cup (or wine glass) is often close at hand, however!
I do my best work early in the morning or late in the evening—those seem to be the times when I focus best, before and after the activities of the day. There’s nothing planned or regular about it, though. Sometimes I get immersed and work all day long.
Please include just one excerpt and include page numbers as reference. This one excerpt can be as short or as long as you prefer.
This is from pages 63-65: A scene with Elizabeth’s husband Ben, after she has had coffee with Richard for the first time. Ben has returned from his squash game and taken a shower. Elizabeth watches him dry off and a longing awakens in her. ...
The words formed in her mind. Look at me. Want me.
A yearning swept over her. A wave cresting from its unbearable weight. An ache, exquisite and terrible, tipping her forward into an ocean of longing.
She longed—no, she needed, the way lungs needed air—for Ben to look at her and whisper, “My god, you’re beautiful.” The way Michael looked at Andrea. The way Stieglitz looked at O’Keeffe.
If only he would truly desire her, she was certain she would respond—a flower opening to the sun, the blades dropping away, scattering, to reveal the delicate inner core. A white crane, lifting its petaled wings.
What did a woman need to do, or be, for a man to look at her that way?
Elizabeth bit her lip. Try. A woman could try.
Ben reached behind the door for his robe. “Did you happen to pick up my shirts?”
It took Elizabeth a moment to understand what he was talking about. The cleaners. “No, sorry. It took forever to extract the kids from Lucy’s.” A half-truth. “I ironed the striped one for you, though. It was still clean.”
You can buy next time. His fingers on her elbow. A slow meditative touch that could mean everything or nothing.
Stupid. A fantasy, a useless distraction.
Try. Ben was her husband, right there in front of her.
He belted the robe and crossed in front of Elizabeth to the open closet. “Speaking of clothes.” He pulled a rectangular box from the top shelf. “I wanted to wait till the kids were asleep.”
She frowned. “For what?”
He handed her the box, his expression sheepish. “I picked this up yesterday. After the business with Andie, and how upset you got?” Slowly, Elizabeth took the box from him. There was no wrapping, no tape. The lid came off easily. Inside, beneath a flap of tissue, was a peach-colored negligee. Ben gave an awkward shrug. “I thought it might help you feel sexier.”
Elizabeth stared at the silk. She couldn’t look at him, though she knew he was waiting for her to respond. And how was she supposed to respond?
With gratitude? For taking the time to pick this out. For trying, finally.
Or with shame, because they shouldn’t have to try so hard.
Or with the fury that was shoving its way to the surface—a wild, blood-red rage at the way he was putting the onus on her. Tossing a Victoria’s Secret costume at her like an assignment, instead of looking at himself and what he could do to make it better, what they could do together.
She jerked away from the garment, tears filling her eyes. Why now, after ten years? Because she’d embarrassed him in front of Andrea and Michael?
She didn’t want the negligee. She wanted to be a woman who would wear a negligee—because of who she was, already, not because I thought it might help you feel sexier.
No. This was insane. Her husband had bought her a gift. Any woman would be happy if her husband gave her a negligee.
Elizabeth bit back her tears, hoping Ben hadn’t seen. Then she traced the edge of the strap. It was thin, delicate, descending into a lace-trimmed V. She could stop analyzing its presence and put it on.
“It’s pretty.” She could feel Ben waiting, hoping for more. She lifted the garment from the tissue. It weighed nothing at all. She tossed her head, the way Andrea might. “Doesn’t do any good for it to sit there in the box, does it?”
“That’s what I was thinking.”
She could hear the restraint in his voice, as if he didn’t want to appear too eager. It touched her, made her want to assure him that the gift had been a good idea, loving and brave.
She stood, the peach-colored silk draped over her arm, and went to the bathroom to change. The air was still wet with steam. She unbuttoned her blouse for the second time that evening and pulled off her slacks. The negligee fell into place over her shoulders.
Ben was waiting for her in bed, his bathrobe folded neatly on the back of the chair. Don’t think, Elizabeth told herself. Just go to him. Be Liz the Lovely. Liz the Minx.
“Hey,” he said, propping his weight on an elbow. “It looks great on you.” He took her arm and pulled her onto the bed. “Or off you.”
His arousal surprised her. Unless it was the middle-of-the-night pressure of flesh against flesh, they had to work at it. She’d learned to adapt, get what she needed, and then focus on him. He’d accepted that, followed the choreography with meticulous attention. Their lovemaking, like their marriage, was courteous and fair.
Tonight, in contrast, Ben’s ardor was startling. It was the negligee, clearly. The prop was working. He slid his palm along her hip, and Elizabeth could feel his breathing sharpen. She ought to feel happy; it was what she wanted.
And yet. She didn’t know what was missing, only that something was. The very thing she craved but had no words for.
Why is this excerpt so emotional for you as a writer to write? And can you describe your own emotional experience of writing this specific excerpt? This is, of course, the heart of the post!
While QUEEN OF THE OWLS is a work of fiction, it draws is emotional authenticity from my own lived experience. I had to dig deep into that experience—that pain—and re-experience it, in order to find its essence and then re-embody that essence in a fictitious scene.
This scene, more than any other in the book, captures what it felt like to be married to a man who didn’t truly desire me. Not a bad or cruel man. A man who meant well, or believed that he did—like Ben, in that way, although Ben is not my ex-husband, any more than Elizabeth is me. Yet I know each of Elizabeth’s complicated thoughts and feelings because they are in me, even if the specific events are not.
While writing the scene, I had to re-live all of it—to stay with the emotions, instead of retreating into my clever word-producing brain, as I let the true words emerge. I wasn’t “making up a story.” I was being the conduit for the story.
And that was so liberating. Not catharsis, sublimation, or invention. Rather, the astonishing freedom of witnessing the transformation of lived emotions into a fictional scene.
Barbara Linn Probst is a writer, researcher, clinician, and "serious amateur" pianist living on a historic dirt road in New York's Hudson Valley.
Barbara's novels (QUEEN OF THE OWLS, April 2020, and THE SOUND OF ONE HAND, coming in April 2021) tell of the search for authenticity, wholeness, and connection. In both novels, art helps the protagonist to become more fully herself.
QUEEN OF THE OWLS has been chosen as a 2020 selection by the Pulpwood Queens Book Club, a network of more than 780 book clubs across the U.S.
Author of the groundbreaking book on nurturing out-of-the-box children, WHEN THE LABELS DON'T FIT, Barbara also holds a PhD in clinical social work and is a frequent guest essayist on major online sites for fiction writers.
“I’ve embraced many sides of life. I’ve been a teacher, therapist, qualitative researcher, educational advocate, "serious amateur" pianist, and full-time mom. I’ve run a not-for-profit organization, mentored PhD students, counseled families, done webinars and radio interviews on how to nurture out-of-the-box children, and much more!
I’ve had many homes. I’ve lived in a cabin in the California redwoods, a firehouse, a converted sauna in the heart of Greenwich Village—and lots of places in-between. I now live on a historic dirt road in New York’s Hudson Valley.
I’ve looked and listened. I’ve traveled from Iceland to Israel, Scotland to Spain. I’ve spent time in Italy, Egypt, Costa Rica, Turkey, France, and along the backpacking trails of the U.S. and Canada.
I’ve spoken up. I’ve given talks to dozens of parent groups, professional organizations, and academic conferences all over the country.”
To learn more about Barbara and her work, see http://www.barbaralinnprobst.com
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genocide, it’s survivors, and
people from places that no longer exist.)
BLUE COAST MYSTERY: ALMOST SOLVED
by Nick Sweeney
#170 06 11 2020
Family Life/Coming of Age Novel
THE EXTRAORDINARY LIFE OF SAME HELL
by Robert Dugoni
#171 06 26 2020
Women’s Divorce Fiction
QUEEN OF THE OWLS
by Barbara Linn Probst