#59 Backstory of the Poem "Lost" by Clint Margrave

Chris Rice Cooper 

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***This is the fifty-ninth in a never-ending series called BACKSTORY OF THE POEM where the Chris Rice Cooper Blog (CRC) focuses on one specific poem and how the poet wrote that specific poem.  All BACKSTORY OF THE POEM links are at the end of this piece. 
Below Title Photo:  Clint Margrave in January of 2019.  Copyright granted by Clint Margrave for this CRC Blog Post Only

#59 Backstory of the Poem
“Lost”

by Clint Margrave

Can you go through the step-by-step process of writing this poem from the moment the idea was first conceived in your brain until final form?   The first idea (won’t even call it a draft yet) for this poem was written on 4/25/2013. I know this because I found it in an old notebook and it was dated.    My process usually begins with my daily habit of free-writing in a notebook which means I probably didn’t return to make it a poem until much later, which is what I generally do. However, my daily habit usually consists of two full pages of writing. I see this entry stopped around three-fourths of the way down the first page and it already has part of the last line, which tells me I must’ve felt I’d reached an end and didn’t feel the need to push on. Often, I purposely will overwrite something to see where it might go, or if I don’t feel satisfied yet with where it’s gone, but not this time. 

Where were you when you started to actually write the poem? And please describe the place in great detail.   Let’s see, if I go by the date in the notebook, I was probably sitting at my desk in my old house in Long Beach, CA. It was probably around 5 in the morning which is when I get up to write each day. There was a strong cup of coffee nearby and I probably had to go to work right after.

What month and year did you start writing this poem?   The truth is, sometimes a poem starts long before you write it down. It could be years. I imagine this story had stuck with me for a long time and I probably knew I’d want to write about it someday before I actually got anything down. However, I’m lucky to have the exact date I first wrote the idea: 4/25/2013

How many drafts of this poem did you write before going to the final? (And can you share a photograph of your rough drafts with pen markings on it?)   I can’t say for sure because I didn’t keep files of the early drafts. Sometimes, once a poem is published or I feel it’s finished or it ends up in a book, I usually delete all the earlier drafts, unless I’m lazy. In general, though, once I take the initial handwritten free-write (see picture ABOVE LEFT) and type it on the computer, it can typically go through anywhere from 10-50 drafts. However, my hunch in this case, is that this was one of those rare poems that probably took only a few drafts. Having had a lot of experience with making my free-writes into poems, I see this one was pretty well-formed by the time I begin to work on it, evident by the end already being in place. Usually, that’s a sign I can move through revision pretty fast. If the end is not there, then I’m in trouble.

The only marking is the check at the top which means I’ve taken this free-write and made it into a poem.  

Were there any lines in any of your rough drafts of this poem that were not in the final version? And can you share them with us? These were in the initial free-write before I began to form the poem:

“She went home, made dinner, then called me to eat, when she suddenly realized her error.”

“After a while, I gave up and looked at magazines.”

“My mom called the store and asked them if they’d seen a

little boy who looked lost.  “There are a lot of little lost boys,” the manager said.

What do you want readers of this poem to take from this poem? I can’t say I’ve written a poem knowing this objective or even setting such an objective. I think I was trying to convey something about aging and loss. The loss of time, the loss of memory, the loss of childhood, the loss of my father, the loss of my mother before tragedy and dementia. (Left)

Which part of the poem was the most emotional of you to write and why?   The end. I don’t know if I felt it right away when I wrote it, but I feel it every time I read it to an audience.

Has this poem been published before? And if so where?   Yes. It was first published in Ragazine (Nov/Dec 2014) and included in my book Salute the Wreckage (NYQ, 2016). Anything you would like to add?   Thank you.

Lost

I was ten when my mother left me

at the grocery store.

It must have only been a couple hours.

I didn’t take it personally, 

spent the time looking for a coin

so I could call her

on the payphone.

Now, thirty years later,

it’s she who feels left somewhere,

when she asks me

to pick her up from my sister’s house,

where she’s lived

the past five years.

“I want to go home,” she tells me.

“But you are,” I insist,

knowing she means back to that place

before old age and dementia

and the death of her husband. 

“I am?” she says. “I thought I lived

somewhere else.”

It’s not likely she’d remember

ever leaving me at the grocery store, 

or how when she finally realized it,

she called the manager in a panic,

asking if he’d seen a little lost boy

roaming down the aisles,

wondering where

his mother went.  

 Clint Margrave is the author of Salute the Wreckage(2016) and The Early Death of Men (2012),both published by NYQ Books. His work has appeared or is forthcoming in The Threepenny Review, New York Quarterly, The Writer’s Almanac, Rattle, Cimarron Review, Verse Daily, The American Journal of Poetry, and Ambit (UK),among others.  He lives in Los Angeles, CA. 

cmargrave@gmail.com

BACKSTORY OF THE POEM LINKS

001  December 29, 2017

Margo Berdeshevksy’s “12-24”

http://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2017/12/a-new-crc-blog-series-backstory-of-poem.html

002  January 08, 2018

Alexis Rhone Fancher’s “82 Miles From the Beach, We Order The Lobster At Clear Lake Café”

http://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/01/a-new-crc-blog-series-backstory-of-poem.html

003 January 12, 2018

Barbara Crooker’s “Orange”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/01/a-new-crc-blog-series-backstory-of-poem_12.html

004 January 22, 2018

Sonia Saikaley’s “Modern Matsushima”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/01/the-fourth-installment-of-new-crc-blog.html

005 January 29, 2018

Ellen Foos’s “Side Yard”

http://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/01/5-backstory-of-poem-sidewalk-by-ellen.html

006 February 03, 2018

Susan Sundwall’s “The Ringmaster”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/02/6-backstory-of-poem-susan-sundwalls.html

007 February 09, 2018

Leslea Newman’s “That Night”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/02/7-backstory-of-poem-that-night-by.html

008 February 17, 2018

Alexis Rhone Fancher “June Fairchild Isn’t Dead”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/02/8-backstory-of-poem-june-fairchild-isnt.html

009 February 24, 2018

Charles Clifford Brooks III “The Gift of the Year With Granny”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/02/9-backstory-of-poem-gift-of-year-with.html

010 March 03, 2018

Scott Thomas Outlar’s “The Natural Reflection of Your Palms”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/03/chris-ricecooper-caccoopaol.html

011 March 10, 2018

Anya Francesca Jenkins’s “After Diane Beatty’s Photograph “History Abandoned”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/03/11-backstory-of-poem-after-diane.html

012  March 17, 2018

Angela Narciso Torres’s “What I Learned This Week”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/03/12-backstory-of-poem-series-angela.html

013 March 24, 2018

Jan Steckel’s “Holiday On ICE”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/03/13-backstory-of-poem-jan-steckels.html

014 March 31, 2018

Ibrahim Honjo’s “Colors”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/03/14-backstory-of-poem-ibrahim-honjos.html

015 April 14, 2018

Marilyn Kallett’s “Ode to Disappointment”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/04/15-backstory-of-poem-ode-to_14.html

016  April 27, 2018

Beth Copeland’s “Reliquary”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/04/16-backstory-of-poem-reliquary-by-beth.html

017  May 12, 2018

Marlon L Fick’s “The Swallows of Barcelona”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/05/17-backstory-of-poem-swallows-of.html

018  May 25, 2018

Juliet Cook’s “ARTERIAL DISCOMBOBULATION”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/05/18-backstory-of-poem-arterial.html

019  June 09, 2018

Alexis Rhone Fancher’s “Stiletto Killer. . . A Surmise”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/06/19-backstory-of-poem-stiletto-killer.html

020 June 16, 2018

Charles Rammelkamp’s “At Last I Can Start Suffering”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/06/20-backstory-of-poem-at-least-i-can.html

021  July 05, 2018

Marla Shaw O’Neill’s “Wind Chimes”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/07/21-backstory-of-poem-wind-chimes-by.html

022 July 13, 2018

Julia Gordon-Bramer’s “Studying Ariel”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/07/22-backstory-of-poem-studying-ariel-by.html

023 July 20, 2018

Bill Yarrow’s “Jesus Zombie”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/07/23-backstory-of-poem-jesus-zombie-by.html

024  July 27, 2018

Telaina Eriksen’s “Brag 2016”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/07/24-backstory-of-poem-brag-2016-by.html

025  August 01, 2018

Seth Berg’s “It is only Yourself that Bends – so Wake up!”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/08/25-backstory-of-poem-it-is-only.html

026  August 07, 2018

David Herrle’s “Devil In the Details”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/08/26-backstory-of-poem-devil-in-details.html

027  August 13, 2018

Gloria Mindock’s “Carmen Polo, Lady Necklaces, 2017”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/08/27-backstory-of-poem-carmen-polo-lady.html

028  August 21, 2018

Connie Post’s “Two Deaths”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/08/28-backstory-of-poem-two-deaths-by.html

029  August 30, 2018

Mary Harwell Sayler’s “Faces in a Crowd”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/08/29-backstory-of-poem-faces-in-crowd-by.html

030 September 16, 2018

Larry Jaffe’s “The Risking Point”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/09/30-backstory-of-poem-risking-point-by.html

031  September 24, 2018

Mark Lee Webb’s “After We Drove”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/09/31-backstory-of-poem-after-we-drove-by.html

032  October 04, 2018

Melissa Studdard’s “Astral”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/10/32-backstory-of-poem-astral-by-melissa.html

033 October 13, 2018

Robert Craven’s “I Have A Bass Guitar Called Vanessa”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/10/33-backstory-of-poem-i-have-bass-guitar.html

034  October 17, 2018

David Sullivan’s “Paper Mache Peaches of Heaven”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/10/34-backstory-of-poem-paper-mache.html

035 October 23, 2018

Timothy Gager’s “Sobriety”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/10/35-backstory-of-poem-sobriety-by.html

036  October 30, 2018

Gary Glauber’s “The Second Breakfast”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/10/36-backstory-of-poem-second-breakfast.html

037  November 04, 2018

Heather Forbes-McKeon’s “Melania’s Deaf Tone Jacket”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/11/37-backstory-of-poem-melanias-deaf-tone.html

038 November 11, 2018

Andrena Zawinski’s “Women of the Fields”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/11/38-backstory-of-poem-women-of-fields-by.html

039  November 00, 2018

Gordon Hilger’s “Poe”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/11/39-backstory-of-poem-poe-by-gordon.html

040 November 16, 2018

Rita Quillen’s “My Children Question Me About Poetry” and “Deathbed Dreams”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/11/40-backstory-of-poems-my-children.html

041 November 20, 2018

Jonathan Kevin Rice’s “Dog Sitting”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/11/41-backstory-of-poem-dog-sitting-by.html

042 November 22, 2018

Haroldo Barbosa Filho’s “Mountain”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/11/42-backstory-of-poem-mountain-by.html

043  November 27, 2018

Megan Merchant’s “Grief Flowers”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/11/43-backstory-of-poem-grief-flowers-by.html

044 November 30, 2018

Jonathan P Taylor’s “This poem is too neat”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/11/44-backstory-of-poem-poem-is-too-neat.html

045  December 03, 2018

Ian Haight’s “Sungmyo for our Dead Father-in-Law”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/12/045-backstory-of-poem-sungmyo-for-our.html

046 December 06, 2018

Nancy Dafoe’s “Poem in the Throat”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/12/046-backstory-of-poem-poem-registering.html

047 December 11, 2018

Jeffrey Pearson’s “Memorial Day”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/12/47-backstory-of-poem-memorial-day-by.html

048  December 14, 2018

Frank Paino’s “Laika”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/12/48-backstory-of-poem-laika-by-frank.html

049  December 15, 2018

Jennifer Martelli’s “Anniversary”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/12/49-backstory-of-poem-anniversary-by.html

O50  December 19, 2018

Joseph Ross’s “For Gilberto Ramos, 15, Who Died in the Texas Desert, June 2014”

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/12/50-backstory-of-poem-for-gilberto-ramos.html

051 December 23, 2018

“The Persistence of Music”

by Anatoly Molotkov

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/12/51-backstory-of-poem-persistence-of.html

052  December 27, 2018

“Under Surveillance”

by Michael Farry

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/12/52-backstory-of-poem-under-surveillance.html

053  December 28, 2018

“Grand Finale”

by Renuka Raghavan

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/12/53-backstory-of-poem-grand-finale-by.html

054  December 29, 2018

“Aftermath”

by Gene Barry

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2018/12/54-backstory-of-poem-aftermath-by-gene.html

055 January 2, 2019

“&”

by Larissa Shmailo

http://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2019/01/55-backstory-of-poem-by-larissa-shmailo.html

056  January 7, 2019

“The Seamstress:

by Len Kuntz

http://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2019/01/56-backstory-of-poem-seamstress-by-len_6.html

057  January 10, 2019

"Natural History"

by Camille T Dungy

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2019/01/57-backstory-of-poem-natural-history-by.html

058  January 11, 2019

“BLOCKADE”

by Brian Burmeister

https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2019/01/58-backstory-of-poem-blockade-by-brian.html

059  January 12, 2019
“Lost”
by Clint Margrave
https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com/2019/01/59-backstory-of-poem-lost-by-clint.html