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***This is the sixty-seventh in a never-ending series
called BACKSTORY OF THE POEM where the Chris Rice Cooper Blog (CRC)
focuses on one specific poem and how the poet wrote that specific poem.
All BACKSTORY OF THE POEM links are at the end of this
piece.
Below Title Photo of Angela Jackson-Brown. Copyright permission granted by Angela Jackson-Brown for this CRC Blog Post only.
#67 Backstory of the
Poem
“I Must Not Breathe”
by Angela Jackson Brown
Can you
go through the step-by-step process of writing this poem from the moment the
idea was first conceived in your brain until final form?
July 17,
2014, Eric Garner was put in a chokehold by NYPD officers, and his final
words…final words he repeated 11 times were “I Can’t Breathe.” I can’t tell you
how many times I watched that video. I can’t tell you how many times I sat
watching it willing that young brother to “breathe.” I was consumed with rage.
Rage over his senseless death. Rage that this was our new norm. Rage that this
could be my son, brother, uncles, nephews, friends. THIS could be me. I had no
clue what to do so I wrote this poem. It was my way of trying to express to
those who still claimed to not understand why Black people where in such fear
of the police that our fears were justified. Reasonalbe and rational. It was my
way of releasing some of the emotions I was carrying. 
Where were you when you
started to actually write the poem? And please describe the place in great
detail. I was sitting in my den. The video of Eric Garner was playing on one of my
computer monitors on repeat. Often when I write, I listen to music…music that
will transport me into the world I’m writing about. So, if I’m writing about
the 1940s, I might be listening to Sister Rosetta Tharpe, Charlie Parker,
Bessie Smith, Thelonious Monk, Ma Rainey, or Coleman Hawkins. But, for me to do
justice to this poem, I forced myself to have Garner pushing me towards the
words I needed to say. I don’t recommend this for everyone, but it works for
me.
What month and year did
you start writing this poem? July 17, 2014
How many drafts of this poem did you write before going to the final? (And can you share a photograph of your rough drafts with pen markings
on it?) I composed this poem on my computer so sadly, there
are not “drafts.” This is of course one of the pitfalls of writing with a
computer. Often times the writer is not able to share the process.
Were there any lines in
any of your rough drafts of this poem that were not in the final version? And
can you share them with us? The first stanza is exactly how I wrote it in that first
sitting. However, the second stanza came about after revision, I do remember
that. My first go at this poem was a much shorter version than what it
ultimately became. It took me a few days before I felt satisfied with what I
had on paper. That is usually the way I write…I sort of unload everything on
paper in one sitting, and then I go back and massage and mold and sharpen my
original thoughts. Most poems take a few days although I have a few I have been
tweaking for weeks, months…some years.
What do you want readers of this poem to take from this poem? Set aside your thoughts and beliefs and allow yourself to become the
person speaking in the poem. Be her. Be him. Be them. Sometimes, we read things
or see things and we think to ourselves, “Well, that could never be me.” Well,
what if it could be you? What if it was you? What if it was your son or
daughter or sister or brother or mother or father or spouse or friend? What
then? Because if words don’t have the ability to transport and transform lives,
then what am I doing this for? I can’t get out in the streets and march due to
health issues BUT I can share words that will hopefully give others windows
into my life with the hopes they can at least understand a little bit better
than before they read my words.
Which part of the poem
was the most emotional of you to write and why? Every time I wrote the
words, “I Can’t Breathe,” I found myself choking up. I remember walking away
from it several times. I remember taking several breaths as I finished the poem
and I remember going to bed once I was done with it. It took everything out of
me to write it. I understood what it meant to be spent. 
Has this poem been
published before? And if sowhere? Yes, by “When Women Waken”
an online journal that no longer accepts submissions, but can still be found
online at: http://www.whenwomenwaken.org/i-must-not-breathe-by-angela-jackson-brown/
House Repairs. Negative Capability Press.
Anything you would like to add?
Thank you
for this opportunity to share with your readers a few details about my writing
process. My books can be ordered on Amazon, or if you would like an autographed
copy, you can email me at jacksonbrown@bsu.edu.
I Must Not
Breathe
If I am stopped by the cops I must be quiet.
I must not breathe.
I must not ask questions.
I must not breathe.
I must not move.
I must not breathe.
I must not talk
back.
I must be compliant.
I must not breathe.
I must not film the cop.
I must not call family or friends.
I must not breathe.
I must
not put my hands up or down.
I must
not breathe.
I must cooperate.
I must be docile.
I
must stay in the car or get out, depending on the mood of the cop.
I
must not breathe too loudly or too quietly.
I must only do what I am told even if what I am
told to do goes against
my basic civil rights.
I must not breathe.
I must hope that the cop
is having a good day.
I must hope that the cop is a “good cop.” I must hold my breath and not breathe.
I must not be suicidal.
I must not be angry.
I must be civil.
I must be obedient.
I must
grin and show all of my teeth.
I must shuffle and
dance, but only on cue.
I must
not get stopped but if I run, I must be prepared to die.
I must
be prepared to die.
I must be prepared to die, even on a routine
stop.
I must not breathe.
I must not breathe.
I must not breathe.
Angela Jackson-Brown is an award winning writer, poet and
playwright who teaches Creative Writing and English at Ball State University in
Muncie, IN. She is a graduate of the Spalding low-residency MFA program in
Creative Writing.
She is the author of the novel Drinking From A Bitter Cup
and has published in numerous literary journals.
Recently Angela’s play, Anna’s
Wings, was selected to be a part of the IndyFringe DivaFest her play Flossie
Bailey Takes a Stand was part of the Indiana Bicentennial Celebration at
the Indiana Repertory Theatre. She also wrote and produced the play It Is
Well and she was the co-playwright with Ashya Thomas on a play called Black
Lives Matter (Too).
In the spring of 2018, Angela co-wrote a musical with
her colleague, Peter Davis, called Dear Bobby: The Musical, that was part of the
2018 OnxyFest in Indianapolis, IN. Her most recent book of poetry, House
Repairs, was published by Negative Capability Press.
http://www.angelajacksonbrown.com
BACKSTORY OF THE POEM
LINKS
001 December 29, 2017
Margo
Berdeshevksy’s “12-24”
002 January 08, 2018
Alexis
Rhone Fancher’s “82 Miles From the Beach, We Order The Lobster At Clear Lake
Café”
003 January 12, 2018
Barbara
Crooker’s “Orange”
004 January 22, 2018
Sonia
Saikaley’s “Modern Matsushima”
005 January 29, 2018
Ellen
Foos’s “Side Yard”
006 February 03, 2018
Susan
Sundwall’s “The Ringmaster”
007 February 09, 2018
Leslea
Newman’s “That Night”
008 February 17, 2018
Alexis
Rhone Fancher “June Fairchild Isn’t Dead”
009 February 24, 2018
Charles
Clifford Brooks III “The Gift of the Year With Granny”
010 March 03, 2018
Scott
Thomas Outlar’s “The Natural Reflection of Your Palms”
011 March 10, 2018
Anya
Francesca Jenkins’s “After Diane Beatty’s Photograph “History Abandoned”
012 March 17, 2018
Angela
Narciso Torres’s “What I Learned This Week”
013 March 24, 2018
Jan
Steckel’s “Holiday On ICE”
014 March 31, 2018
Ibrahim
Honjo’s “Colors”
015 April 14, 2018
Marilyn
Kallett’s “Ode to Disappointment”
016 April 27, 2018
Beth
Copeland’s “Reliquary”
017 May 12, 2018
Marlon
L Fick’s “The Swallows of Barcelona”
018 May 25, 2018
Juliet
Cook’s “ARTERIAL DISCOMBOBULATION”
019 June 09, 2018
Alexis
Rhone Fancher’s “Stiletto Killer. . . A Surmise”
020 June 16, 2018
Charles
Rammelkamp’s “At Last I Can Start Suffering”
021 July 05, 2018
Marla
Shaw O’Neill’s “Wind Chimes”
022 July 13, 2018
Julia Gordon-Bramer’s
“Studying Ariel”
023 July 20, 2018
Bill Yarrow’s “Jesus
Zombie”
024 July 27, 2018
Telaina Eriksen’s “Brag
2016”
025 August 01, 2018
Seth Berg’s “It is only
Yourself that Bends – so Wake up!”
026 August 07, 2018
David Herrle’s “Devil In
the Details”
027 August 13, 2018
Gloria Mindock’s “Carmen
Polo, Lady Necklaces, 2017”
028 August 21, 2018
Connie Post’s “Two
Deaths”
029 August 30, 2018
Mary Harwell Sayler’s
“Faces in a Crowd”
030 September 16, 2018
Larry Jaffe’s “The
Risking Point”
031 September 24,
2018
Mark Lee Webb’s “After
We Drove”
032 October 04, 2018
Melissa Studdard’s “Astral”
033 October 13, 2018
Robert Craven’s “I Have
A Bass Guitar Called Vanessa”
034 October 17, 2018
David Sullivan’s “Paper
Mache Peaches of Heaven”
035 October 23, 2018
Timothy Gager’s
“Sobriety”
036 October 30, 2018
Gary Glauber’s “The
Second Breakfast”
037 November 04, 2018
Heather Forbes-McKeon’s
“Melania’s Deaf Tone Jacket”
038 November 11, 2018
Andrena Zawinski’s
“Women of the Fields”
039 November 00, 2018
Gordon Hilger’s “Poe”
040 November 16, 2018
Rita Quillen’s “My
Children Question Me About Poetry” and “Deathbed Dreams”
041 November 20, 2018
Jonathan Kevin Rice’s
“Dog Sitting”
042 November 22, 2018
Haroldo Barbosa Filho’s
“Mountain”
043 November 27, 2018
Megan Merchant’s “Grief
Flowers”
044 November 30, 2018
Jonathan P Taylor’s
“This poem is too neat”
045 December 03, 2018
Ian Haight’s “Sungmyo
for our Dead Father-in-Law”
046 December 06, 2018
Nancy Dafoe’s “Poem in
the Throat”
047 December 11, 2018
Jeffrey Pearson’s
“Memorial Day”
048 December 14, 2018
Frank Paino’s “Laika”
049 December 15, 2018
Jennifer Martelli’s
“Anniversary”
O50 December 19, 2018
Joseph Ross’s “For Gilberto Ramos, 15, Who Died in
the Texas Desert, June 2014”
051 December 23, 2018
“The Persistence of
Music”
by Anatoly Molotkov
052 December 27, 2018
“Under Surveillance”
by Michael Farry
053 December 28, 2018
“Grand Finale”
by Renuka Raghavan
054 December 29, 2018
“Aftermath”
by Gene Barry
055 January 2, 2019
“&”
by Larissa Shmailo
056 January 7, 2019
“The Seamstress:
by Len Kuntz
057 January 10, 2019
"Natural History"
by Camille T Dungy
058 January 11, 2019
“BLOCKADE”
by Brian Burmeister
059 January 12, 2019
“Lost”
by Clint Margrave
060 January 14, 2019
“Menopause”
by Pat Durmon
061 January 19, 2019
“Neptune’s Choir”
by Linda Imbler
062 January 22, 2019
“Views From the
Driveway”
by Amy Barone
063 January 25, 2019
“The heron leaves her
haunts in the marsh”
by Gail Wronsky
064 January 30, 2019
“Shiprock”
by Terry Lucas
065 February 02, 2019
“Summer 1970, The
University of Virginia Opens to Women in the Fall”
by Alarie Tennille
066 February 05, 2019
“At School They Learn
Nouns”
by Patrick Bizzaro
067 February 06, 2019
“I Must Not Breathe”
by Angela Jackson-Brown
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