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how the poet wrote that specific poem. All BACKSTORY OF THE POEM links
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“I sold your car today”
by Pamela Twining
Can you
go through the step-by-step process of writing this poem from the moment the
idea was first conceived in your brain until final form?
My partner, Beat poet Andy Clausen, lived for 12 years with poet Janine Pommy Vega, who died in 2010. Andy and I came together at the end of 2011 and merged our households. We now shared 2 cars, my Toyota and a Subaru inherited from Janine. Poets are chronically short of funds, thus we decided to sell one of the cars; the Subaru was the choice as it was older and in slightly worse shape. We finally found a buyer who came to pick up the car; in my mind, I imagined what Andy might be feeling, as he parted with a large part of the material life he had shared with Janine.
The title
and the first lines of the poem popped into my mind, as the somewhat
presumptuous idea of defining the depth of another’s feelings about a
relationship I’d had no actual part in occurred to me. But something very
powerful was calling me to explore this moment in the secret heart of my lover,
a profound depth he might not even have been aware of at the time.
How many drafts of this
poem did you write before going to the final? (And can you share a photograph
of your rough drafts with pen markings on it?) There are two
things to mention here: the first is that I am a strong proponent of Kerouac’s
concept “First thought, Best thought”, thus my writing style is pretty much
Stream of Consciousness and, as in a story attributed to Oscar Wilde (Below Right), my revisions
often consist of spending all morning removing a comma and then all afternoon
putting it back again. Which is to say that my poetry basically springs fully-formed
from my brow.
I don’t
compose on my phone, as many of the young people do, because the format is too
small and I don’t type so well with a texting keyboard. There’s a part of me
that regrets this movement away from pen & paper composition, for this very
reason, that there is usually no relic of the process, with crossings out and
notes to self, as I have often appreciated earlier poets’ work, the
indentations of the pen on paper felt with my fingers, homage to the work
itself rather than just the “final” product. I always feel that a poem is Never
“final”, until the poet is dead. And even then….
Were there any lines in
any of your rough drafts of this poem that were not in the final version? And
can you share them with us? No, there were
few changes made in the poem, as it spilled out of me. Maybe a word or two, but
given that I mostly work on the computer, (Right), drafts rarely get saved. Cut &
Paste is the enemy of earlier drafts. Sometimes, if I make major changes in a
“completed” poem, one that hasn’t jelled yet, I will re-save it under a numbered
title, but that didn’t happen in this case.
Which
part of the poem was the most emotional of you to write and why? Janine and I have
lived very different lives but there are many similarities too. Aside from the
obvious, that we are both poets, we each started out as “nature poets” and
became more political as time and events informed our lives. We both revere the
Mother, in All her manifestations, and seek each in her own way, to convey that
reverence in Life and Work. And Andy has loved us both. Though I know it’s
foolish, it always pains me a little to think of him with another woman. It’s
not as if I haven’t had other lovers myself. But it occurred to me, in the
lines “i still sometimes wear your skin/see through your eyes/walk journeys my
legs have never traveled…” that this poem is perhaps a relationship between
Janine and myself, as well as between Janine & Andy. And it’s about my
relationship with Andy as well. And Oh! I Do Love Them Both!
Has this poem been
published before? And if so where? “i sold your car today” appeared in
The Café Review, Vol 25, Summer 2014
Anything you would like to add? There are times that I struggle to write and have to force myself to Sit Down and Just Begin! In those instances, I often have to throw away the first paragraph, as it is more Settling In than Getting to the Meat of the thing. This poem just came to me as I wrote, the words burning a hole in my pocket, ecstatic to be brought forth. That happens sometimes, not often enough. And mostly in July.
i sold your car today
as i slough off another piece of you
i still sometimes wear your skin
see through your eyes
walk journeys my legs have never traveled
on
the wings of your tales
deep in the jungles, high in rock-strewn wildernesses
tapping
into the rhythms and bowels of the fertile Mother
her vast wastelands throb of waterfall and avalanche
clear
purity of uncharted Nowhere
Amazon basin to Sagarmatha’s unconquered heights
too hungry for words
and words are all existence, no digital flatness
words are flesh and winds have teeth
to tear from you everything familiar
-- which was the point –
where are the Loves? the forgotten children?
placentas of the Word giving birth to meaning
future artisans molding the clay of our belonging
from the flesh of our words
possessions once so dear to you
only dear to me now because of you
and every hour every day a little more
another bit
floats out of
reach
your face, the feel of your skin against mine
found now mostly in dreams
sometimes all i want to do is sleep
have you come again to fill my days and nights
with the small pains and pleasures that we were
and
know for once the essence of you
so deeply hidden in the Wanting
life attachments and detachments wrestled screaming
to earth in marching meditations
climbing
reaching
for a heaven unattainable until the ashes spread
and sink again into the body of the Mother
you
always sought
offered in a blinding jewel to the chariot of the dawn
i ache with the loss of you
whose heart was never mine
whose spirit dodged and danced among the aromatic green
the Orinoco fronds and heavy air so wet and fragrant
you
could drink it
who scaled unnumbered heights
stone fingertips piercing through the bellies of clouds
making no obeisance to the sky
their craggy fingers grasping Light
a scissor slicing deep into the vitals
hot nutrients for those seeds
those words
that flesh
i lost another piece of you today
but still i sometimes wear your skin
see through your eyes
taste your words in my mouth
and kiss them forward
Website: www.woodstockbeatpoet.com
BACKSTORY OF THE POEM
LINKS
001 December 29, 2017
Margo
Berdeshevksy’s “12-24”
002 January 08, 2018
Alexis
Rhone Fancher’s “82 Miles From the Beach, We Order The Lobster At Clear Lake
Café”
003 January 12, 2018
Barbara
Crooker’s “Orange”
004 January 22, 2018
Sonia
Saikaley’s “Modern Matsushima”
005 January 29, 2018
Ellen
Foos’s “Side Yard”
006 February 03, 2018
Susan
Sundwall’s “The Ringmaster”
007 February 09, 2018
Leslea
Newman’s “That Night”
008 February 17, 2018
Alexis
Rhone Fancher “June Fairchild Isn’t Dead”
009 February 24, 2018
Charles
Clifford Brooks III “The Gift of the Year With Granny”
010 March 03, 2018
Scott
Thomas Outlar’s “The Natural Reflection of Your Palms”
011 March 10, 2018
Anya
Francesca Jenkins’s “After Diane Beatty’s Photograph “History Abandoned”
012 March 17, 2018
Angela
Narciso Torres’s “What I Learned This Week”
013 March 24, 2018
Jan
Steckel’s “Holiday On ICE”
014 March 31, 2018
Ibrahim
Honjo’s “Colors”
015 April 14, 2018
Marilyn
Kallett’s “Ode to Disappointment”
016 April 27, 2018
Beth
Copeland’s “Reliquary”
017 May 12, 2018
Marlon
L Fick’s “The Swallows of Barcelona”
018 May 25, 2018
Juliet
Cook’s “ARTERIAL DISCOMBOBULATION”
019 June 09, 2018
Alexis
Rhone Fancher’s “Stiletto Killer. . . A Surmise”
020 June 16, 2018
Charles
Rammelkamp’s “At Last I Can Start Suffering”
021 July 05, 2018
Marla
Shaw O’Neill’s “Wind Chimes”
022 July 13, 2018
Julia Gordon-Bramer’s
“Studying Ariel”
023 July 20, 2018
Bill Yarrow’s “Jesus
Zombie”
024 July 27, 2018
Telaina Eriksen’s “Brag
2016”
025 August 01, 2018
Seth Berg’s “It is only
Yourself that Bends – so Wake up!”
026 August 07, 2018
David Herrle’s “Devil In
the Details”
027 August 13, 2018
Gloria Mindock’s “Carmen
Polo, Lady Necklaces, 2017”
028 August 21, 2018
Connie Post’s “Two
Deaths”
029 August 30, 2018
Mary Harwell Sayler’s
“Faces in a Crowd”
030 September 16, 2018
Larry Jaffe’s “The
Risking Point”
031 September 24,
2018
Mark Lee Webb’s “After
We Drove”
032 October 04, 2018
Melissa Studdard’s
“Astral”
033 October 13, 2018
Robert Craven’s “I Have
A Bass Guitar Called Vanessa”
034 October 17, 2018
David Sullivan’s “Paper Mache
Peaches of Heaven”
035 October 23, 2018
Timothy Gager’s
“Sobriety”
036 October 30, 2018
Gary Glauber’s “The
Second Breakfast”
037 November 04, 2018
Heather Forbes-McKeon’s
“Melania’s Deaf Tone Jacket”
038 November 11, 2018
Andrena Zawinski’s
“Women of the Fields”
039 November 00, 2018
Gordon Hilger’s “Poe”
040 November 16, 2018
Rita Quillen’s “My
Children Question Me About Poetry” and “Deathbed Dreams”
041 November 20, 2018
Jonathan Kevin Rice’s
“Dog Sitting”
042 November 22, 2018
Haroldo Barbosa Filho’s
“Mountain”
043 November 27, 2018
Megan Merchant’s “Grief Flowers”
044 November 30, 2018
Jonathan P Taylor’s
“This poem is too neat”
045 December 03, 2018
Ian Haight’s “Sungmyo
for our Dead Father-in-Law”
046 December 06, 2018
Nancy Dafoe’s “Poem in
the Throat”
047 December 11, 2018
Jeffrey Pearson’s “Memorial
Day”
048 December 14, 2018
Frank Paino’s “Laika”
049 December 15, 2018
Jennifer Martelli’s
“Anniversary”
O50 December 19, 2018
Joseph Ross’s “For Gilberto Ramos, 15, Who Died in
the Texas Desert, June 2014”
051 December 23, 2018
“The Persistence of
Music”
by Anatoly Molotkov
052 December 27, 2018
“Under Surveillance”
by Michael Farry
053 December 28, 2018
“Grand Finale”
by Renuka Raghavan
054 December 29, 2018
“Aftermath”
by Gene Barry
055 January 2, 2019
“&”
by Larissa Shmailo
056 January 7, 2019
“The Seamstress:
by Len Kuntz
057 January 10, 2019
"Natural History"
by Camille T Dungy
058 January 11, 2019
“BLOCKADE”
by Brian Burmeister
059 January 12, 2019
“Lost”
by Clint Margrave
060 January 14, 2019
“Menopause”
by Pat Durmon
061 January 19, 2019
“Neptune’s Choir”
by Linda Imbler
062 January 22, 2019
“Views From the
Driveway”
by Amy Barone
063 January 25, 2019
“The heron leaves her
haunts in the marsh”
by Gail Wronsky
064 January 30, 2019
“Shiprock”
by Terry Lucas
065 February 02, 2019
“Summer 1970, The
University of Virginia Opens to Women in the Fall”
by Alarie Tennille
066 February 05, 2019
“At School They Learn
Nouns”
by Patrick Bizzaro
067 February 06, 2019
“I Must Not Breathe”
by Angela Jackson-Brown
068 February 11, 2019
“Lunch on City Island,
Early June”
by Christine Potter
069 February 12, 2019
“Singing”
by Andrew McFadyen-Ketchum
070 February 14, 2019
“Daily Commute”
by Christopher P. Locke
071 February 18, 2019
“How Silent The Trees”
by Wyn Cooper
072 February 20, 2019
“A New Psalm
of Montreal”
by Sheenagh Pugh
073 February 23, 2019
“Make Me A
Butterfly”
by Amy Barbera
074 February 26, 2019
“Anthem”
by Sandy Coomer
075 March 4, 2019
“Shape of a Violin”
by Kelly Powell
076 March 5, 2019
“Inward Oracle”
by J.P. Dancing Bear
077 March 7, 2019
“I Broke
My Bust Of Jesus”
by Susan Sundwall
078 March 9, 2019
“My Mother
at 19”
by John Guzlowski
079 March 10, 2019
“Paddling”
by Chera Hammons Miller
080 March 12, 2019
“Of Water
and Echo”
by Gillian Cummings
081 082
083 March 14, 2019
“Little
Political Sense” “Crossing Kansas with
Jim
Morrison” “The Land of Sky and Blue Waters”
by Dr. Lindsey
Martin-Bowen
084 March 15, 2019
“A Tune To
Remember”
by Anna Evans
085 March 19, 2019
“At the
End of Time (Wish You Were Here)
by Jeannine Hall Gailey
086 March 20, 2019
“Garden of
Gethsemane”
by Marletta Hemphill
087 March 21, 2019
“Letters
From a War”
by Chelsea Dingman
088 March 26, 2019
“HAT”
by Bob Heman
089 March 27, 2019
“Clay for
the Potter”
by Belinda Bourgeois
#090 March 30, 2019
“The Pose”
by John Hicks
#091 April 2, 2019
“Last
Night at the Wursthaus”
by Doug Holder
#092 April 4, 2019
“Original
Sin”
by Diane Lockward
#093 April 5, 2019
“A Father
Calls to his child on liveleak”
by Stephen Byrne
#094 April 8, 2019
“XX”
by Marc Zegans
#095 April 12, 2019
“Landscape
and Still Life”
by Marjorie Maddox
#096 April 16, 2019
“Strawberries
Have Been Growing Here for Hundreds of
Years”
by Mary Ellen Lough
#097 April 17, 2019
“The New
Science of Slippery Surfaces”
by Donna Spruijt-Metz
#098 April 19, 2019
“Tennessee
Epithalamium”
by Alyse Knorr
#099 April 20, 2019
“Mermaid,
1969”
by Tameca L. Coleman
#100 April 21, 2019
“How Do
You Know?”
by Stephanie
#101 April 23, 2019
“Rare Book
and Reader”
by Ned Balbo
#102 April 26, 2019
“THUNDER”
by Jefferson Carter
#103 May 01, 2019
“The sight
of a million angels”
by Jenneth Graser
#104 May 09, 2019
“How to
tell my dog I’m dying”
by Richard Fox
#105 May 17, 2019
“Promises
Had Been Made”
by Sarah Sarai
#106 June 01, 2019
“i sold
your car today”
by Pamela Twining
