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***This is #145 in a
never-ending series called BACKSTORY OF THE POEM where the Chris Rice
Cooper Blog (CRC) focuses on one specific poem and how the poet wrote that
specific poem. All BACKSTORY OF THE POEM links are at the end of
this piece.
#145 Backstory of the
Poem
“Reservoir”
by Andrea Rexilius
Can you go through the step-by-step process of writing this
poem from the moment the idea was first conceived in your brain until final
form? The poem “Reservoir “from the book Sister Urn was written in response to the editorial notes
given to me by Sidebrow Press when we were prepping the book for
publication. I originally had another
piece in the book that was titled “Cistern.” The editors asked me to revise to
deepen the specific emotional context of that poem. I spent a few days
attempting to write into the space of that poem before I decided to scrap it
altogether and rethink what else might need to be accomplished in the book in
its place.
The only thing tying the two pieces together is in the thread of
their titles, the move from a cistern to a reservoir.
Emotionally, I was
thinking
about water and drowning in this book. Drowning in relation to
substance abuse, to grief and crying. Memories of walking in the rain with my
sister, of being drenched (literally, spiritually, metaphorically).
Where
were you when you started to actually write the poem? And please describe the
place in great detail. I wrote “Reservoir” in Denver about a year
after my sister passed away. I almost always write on my laptop in a chair in
the living room surrounded by bookshelves, with my cat (Marigold) on my lap. I like
complete silence when I write. When I’m stuck, I thumb through the books
surrounding me. 
What
month and year did you start writing this poem? November, 2018.
How many drafts of this poem did you write before going to the final? This is hard to say. I try not to be too precious with my drafts and tend to revise on my laptop. I do recall clarifying many of the sentences, but I didn’t keep track of exactly what shifted in them.
How many drafts of this poem did you write before going to the final? This is hard to say. I try not to be too precious with my drafts and tend to revise on my laptop. I do recall clarifying many of the sentences, but I didn’t keep track of exactly what shifted in them.
Were
there any lines in any of your rough drafts of this poem that were not in the
final version? And can you share them with us? This is from the cut poem, “Cistern.” A completely different telling than
“Reservoir,” but still a kind of “draft.”
I mean for it to resound slightly
erotic.
For it to singe our edges.
For it to burn.
What
do you want readers of this poem to take from this poem? A “reservoir” is defined as “a supply or source of something” and as “a place
where fluid collects, especially in rock strata or in the body.” I wanted this poem to both anchor the narrative
of the first section of Sister Urn and also to get at some of the
emotional nuances of having a family member who is addicted to heroin and
prescription pills. I was thinking about my sister, an immigrant from Hungary,
and the ways in which our society fails, not just immigrants, but people with
mental illnesses, people in need of rehab, health insurance, surgery, therapy,
etc. The resources my sister needed were always slightly out of reach, either
financially or because the versions of them that she could afford were poor
substitutes for actual assistance. In short, I suppose I wanted to convey a
sense, not just of personal grief, but of institutional, societal grieving for
the ways in which so many of us are left bearing demons, night terrors,
corruption, and loss of breath. The relationship between body and capital.
Which part of the poem was the most emotional of you to
write and why? The line, “Did you know you were
dying?” is written in direct address to my sister in
this poem. It’s both literal and rhetorical. It also just comes down to the
simple fact that I’d like to talk to her again. To ask her some of the things I
never asked when she was alive. To remind her of where we converge, to give her
hope, to tell her how she gives me hope (or strength or light or breath), to
meet her in the cistern.
Has this poem been published before? And if so where? Sister Urn
(Sidebrow Books, 2019). https://www.sidebrow.net/books/sister-urn-andrea-rexilius
Reservoir
Your mother told me you suffered from night terrors
and that’s one of the reasons you took so many pills, an entire bottle in a
week. Followed by withdrawal (seizures, nausea, anxiety, insomnia,
agoraphobia). I told her she was enabling you. She said she wouldn’t put you
out on the street. Her mother and father long dead. Her brothers somewhere in
Hungary. I saw how the math stacked against you. Did you know you were dying? I
stopped visiting after the Christmas you were strung out and set your sweater
on fire reaching across a candle. You called your doctor a drug dealer. You’d
pay a few hundred and he’d ask if you wanted pills. Yes. And he’d give them to
you. Despite the heart palpitations.
Despite your arms. Despite your face. Your boyfriend thought you were possessed
by a demon. After you died, he wouldn’t leave your mother’s house. She called
the police to have him removed. Your night terrors entered her and I was afraid
they would enter me too. In her dream she is naked, chasing you down a narrow
street in Budapest, trying to grab your hand before you disappear around a
corner with a man in a dark cloak. The night she found you, you were hunched
over in the sink. Your face pressed to the mirror. She could see you were no
longer breathing
Andrea Rexilius is the author
of Sister Urn (Sidebrow, Spring 2019), New Organism: Essais (Letter Machine,
2014), Half of What They Carried Flew Away (Letter Machine,
2012),
and To Be Human Is To Be A Conversation (Rescue Press,
2011), as well as the chapbooks, Séance (Coconut Books, 2014), and To Be Human (Horseless Press,
2010).
Her creative and critical
writing is featured in the following anthologies: Anne Carson: Ecstatic Lyre (U of Michigan
P), The Volta Book of Poets (Sidebrow
Books), Sixty Morning Talks: Serial Interviews with
Contemporary Authors (Ugly Duckling Press), and Letter Machine Book of Interviews(Letter Machine
Editions). She is Core Faculty in Poetry, and Program Coordinator, for the
Mile-High MFA in Creative Writing at Regis University.
BACKSTORY OF THE POEM
LINKS
001 December 29, 2017
Margo
Berdeshevksy’s “12-24”
002 January 08, 2018
Alexis
Rhone Fancher’s “82 Miles From the Beach, We Order The Lobster At Clear Lake
Café”
003 January 12, 2018
Barbara
Crooker’s “Orange”
004 January 22, 2018
Sonia
Saikaley’s “Modern Matsushima”
005 January 29, 2018
Ellen
Foos’s “Side Yard”
006 February 03, 2018
Susan
Sundwall’s “The Ringmaster”
007 February 09, 2018
Leslea
Newman’s “That Night”
008 February 17, 2018
Alexis
Rhone Fancher “June Fairchild Isn’t Dead”
009 February 24, 2018
Charles
Clifford Brooks III “The Gift of the Year With Granny”
010 March 03, 2018
Scott
Thomas Outlar’s “The Natural Reflection of Your Palms”
011 March 10, 2018
Anya
Francesca Jenkins’s “After Diane Beatty’s Photograph “History Abandoned”
012 March 17, 2018
Angela
Narciso Torres’s “What I Learned This Week”
013 March 24, 2018
Jan
Steckel’s “Holiday On ICE”
014 March 31, 2018
Ibrahim
Honjo’s “Colors”
015 April 14, 2018
Marilyn
Kallett’s “Ode to Disappointment”
016 April 27, 2018
Beth
Copeland’s “Reliquary”
017 May 12, 2018
Marlon
L Fick’s “The Swallows of Barcelona”
018 May 25, 2018
Juliet
Cook’s “ARTERIAL DISCOMBOBULATION”
019 June 09, 2018
Alexis
Rhone Fancher’s “Stiletto Killer. . . A Surmise”
020 June 16, 2018
Charles
Rammelkamp’s “At Last I Can Start Suffering”
021 July 05, 2018
Marla
Shaw O’Neill’s “Wind Chimes”
022 July 13, 2018
Julia Gordon-Bramer’s
“Studying Ariel”
023 July 20, 2018
Bill Yarrow’s “Jesus
Zombie”
024 July 27, 2018
Telaina Eriksen’s “Brag
2016”
025 August 01, 2018
Seth Berg’s “It is only
Yourself that Bends – so Wake up!”
026 August 07, 2018
David Herrle’s “Devil In
the Details”
027 August 13, 2018
Gloria Mindock’s “Carmen
Polo, Lady Necklaces, 2017”
028 August 21, 2018
Connie Post’s “Two
Deaths”
029 August 30, 2018
Mary Harwell Sayler’s
“Faces in a Crowd”
030 September 16, 2018
Larry Jaffe’s “The
Risking Point”
031 September 24,
2018
Mark Lee Webb’s “After
We Drove”
032 October 04, 2018
Melissa Studdard’s
“Astral”
033 October 13, 2018
Robert Craven’s “I Have
A Bass Guitar Called Vanessa”
034 October 17, 2018
David Sullivan’s “Paper Mache
Peaches of Heaven”
035 October 23, 2018
Timothy Gager’s
“Sobriety”
036 October 30, 2018
Gary Glauber’s “The
Second Breakfast”
037 November 04, 2018
Heather Forbes-McKeon’s
“Melania’s Deaf Tone Jacket”
038 November 11, 2018
Andrena Zawinski’s
“Women of the Fields”
039 November 00, 2018
Gordon Hilger’s “Poe”
040 November 16, 2018
Rita Quillen’s “My
Children Question Me About Poetry” and “Deathbed Dreams”
041 November 20, 2018
Jonathan Kevin Rice’s
“Dog Sitting”
042 November 22, 2018
Haroldo Barbosa Filho’s
“Mountain”
043 November 27, 2018
Megan Merchant’s “Grief Flowers”
044 November 30, 2018
Jonathan P Taylor’s
“This poem is too neat”
045 December 03, 2018
Ian Haight’s “Sungmyo
for our Dead Father-in-Law”
046 December 06, 2018
Nancy Dafoe’s “Poem in
the Throat”
047 December 11, 2018
Jeffrey Pearson’s “Memorial
Day”
048 December 14, 2018
Frank Paino’s “Laika”
049 December 15, 2018
Jennifer Martelli’s
“Anniversary”
O50 December 19, 2018
Joseph Ross’s “For Gilberto Ramos, 15, Who Died in
the Texas Desert, June 2014”
051 December 23, 2018
“The Persistence of
Music”
by Anatoly Molotkov
052 December 27, 2018
“Under Surveillance”
by Michael Farry
053 December 28, 2018
“Grand Finale”
by Renuka Raghavan
054 December 29, 2018
“Aftermath”
by Gene Barry
055 January 2, 2019
“&”
by Larissa Shmailo
056 January 7, 2019
“The Seamstress:
by Len Kuntz
057 January 10, 2019
"Natural History"
by Camille T Dungy
058 January 11, 2019
“BLOCKADE”
by Brian Burmeister
059 January 12, 2019
“Lost”
by Clint Margrave
060 January 14, 2019
“Menopause”
by Pat Durmon
061 January 19, 2019
“Neptune’s Choir”
by Linda Imbler
062 January 22, 2019
“Views From the
Driveway”
by Amy Barone
063 January 25, 2019
“The heron leaves her
haunts in the marsh”
by Gail Wronsky
064 January 30, 2019
“Shiprock”
by Terry Lucas
065 February 02, 2019
“Summer 1970, The
University of Virginia Opens to Women in the Fall”
by Alarie Tennille
066 February 05, 2019
“At School They Learn
Nouns”
by Patrick Bizzaro
067 February 06, 2019
“I Must Not Breathe”
by Angela Jackson-Brown
068 February 11, 2019
“Lunch on City Island,
Early June”
by Christine Potter
069 February 12, 2019
“Singing”
by Andrew McFadyen-Ketchum
070 February 14, 2019
“Daily Commute”
by Christopher P. Locke
071 February 18, 2019
“How Silent The Trees”
by Wyn Cooper
072 February 20, 2019
“A New Psalm
of Montreal”
by Sheenagh Pugh
073 February 23, 2019
“Make Me A
Butterfly”
by Amy Barbera
074 February 26, 2019
“Anthem”
by Sandy Coomer
075 March 4, 2019
“Shape of a Violin”
by Kelly Powell
076 March 5, 2019
“Inward Oracle”
by J.P. Dancing Bear
077 March 7, 2019
“I Broke
My Bust Of Jesus”
by Susan Sundwall
078 March 9, 2019
“My Mother
at 19”
by John Guzlowski
079 March 10, 2019
“Paddling”
by Chera Hammons Miller
080 March 12, 2019
“Of Water
and Echo”
by Gillian Cummings
081 082
083 March 14, 2019
“Little
Political Sense” “Crossing Kansas with
Jim
Morrison” “The Land of Sky and Blue Waters”
by Dr. Lindsey
Martin-Bowen
084 March 15, 2019
“A Tune To
Remember”
by Anna Evans
085 March 19, 2019
“At the
End of Time (Wish You Were Here)
by Jeannine Hall Gailey
086 March 20, 2019
“Garden of
Gethsemane”
by Marletta Hemphill
087 March 21, 2019
“Letters
From a War”
by Chelsea Dingman
088 March 26, 2019
“HAT”
by Bob Heman
089 March 27, 2019
“Clay for
the Potter”
by Belinda Bourgeois
#090 March 30, 2019
“The Pose”
by John Hicks
#091 April 2, 2019
“Last
Night at the Wursthaus”
by Doug Holder
#092 April 4, 2019
“Original
Sin”
by Diane Lockward
#093 April 5, 2019
“A Father
Calls to his child on liveleak”
by Stephen Byrne
#094 April 8, 2019
“XX”
by Marc Zegans
#095 April 12, 2019
“Landscape
and Still Life”
by Marjorie Maddox
#096 April 16, 2019
“Strawberries
Have Been Growing Here for Hundreds of
Years”
by Mary Ellen Lough
#097 April 17, 2019
“The New
Science of Slippery Surfaces”
by Donna Spruijt-Metz
#098 April 19, 2019
“Tennessee
Epithalamium”
by Alyse Knorr
#099 April 20, 2019
“Mermaid,
1969”
by Tameca L. Coleman
#100 April 21, 2019
“How Do
You Know?”
by Stephanie
#101 April 23, 2019
“Rare Book
and Reader”
by Ned Balbo
#102 April 26, 2019
“THUNDER”
by Jefferson Carter
#103 May 01, 2019
“The sight
of a million angels”
by Jenneth Graser
#104 May 09, 2019
“How to
tell my dog I’m dying”
by Richard Fox
#105 May 17, 2019
“Promises
Had Been Made”
by Sarah Sarai
#106 June 01, 2019
“i sold
your car today”
by Pamela Twining
#107 June 02, 2019
“Abandoned
Stable”
by Nancy Susanna Breen
#108 June 05, 2019
“Cupcake”
by Julene Tripp Weaver
#109 June 6, 2019
“Bobby’s
Story”
by Jimmy Pappas
#110 June 10, 2019
“When You
Ask Me to Tell You About My Father”
by Pauletta Hansel
#111 Backstory of the
Poem’s
“Cemetery
Mailbox”
by Jennifer Horne
#112 Backstory of the Poem’s
“Relics”
by Kate Peper
#113 Backstory of the
Poem’s
“Q”
by Jennifer Johnson
#114 Backstory of the
Poem’s
“Brushing My Hair”
by Tammika Dorsey Jones
#115 Backstory of the
Poem
“Because the Birds Will
Survive, Too”
by Katherine Riegel
#116 Backstory of the Poem
“DIVORCE”
“DIVORCE”
by Joan Barasovska
#117 Backstory of the
Poem
“NEW
YEAR”S EVE 2016”
by Michael Meyerhofer
#118 Backstory of the
Poem
“Dear the
estranged,”
by Gina Tron
#119 Backstory of the Poem
“In
Remembrance of Them”
by Janet Renee Cryer
#120 Backstory of the
Poem
“Horse Fly
Grade Card, Doesn’t Play Well With Others”
by David L. Harrison
#121 Backstory of the
Poem
“My
Mother’s Cookbook”
by Rachael Ikins
#122 Backstory of the
Poem
“Cousins I
Never Met”
by Maureen Kadish
Sherbondy
#123 Backstory of the
Poem
“To Those
Who Were Our First Gods”
by Nickole Brown
#124 Backstory of the
Poem
“Looking For Sunsets (In the Early Morning)”
“Looking For Sunsets (In the Early Morning)”
by Paul Levinson
#125 Backstory of the
Poem
“Tracy”
by Tiff Holland
#126 Backstory of the
Poem
“Legs”
by Cindy Hochman
“Legs”
by Cindy Hochman
#127 Backstory of the
Poem
“Anathema”
“Anathema”
by Natasha Saje
#128 Backstory of the
Poem
“How to
Explain Fertility When an Acquaintance Asks Casually”
by Allison Blevins
#129 Backstory of the
Poem
“The Art of Meditation
In Tennessee”
by Linda Parsons
#130 Backstory of the
Poem
“Schooling
High, In Beslan”
by Satabdi Saha
#131 Backstory of the
Poem
““Baby Jacob survives the Oso Landslide, 2014”
by Amie Zimmerman
#132 Backstory of the
Poem
“Our Age
of Anxiety”
by Henry Israeli
#133 Backstory of the
Poem
“Earth
Cries; Heaven Smiles”
by Ken Allan Dronsfield
#134 Backstory of the Poem
“Eons”
by Janine Canan
#135 Backstory of the
Poem
“Sworn”
by Catherine Zickgraf
#136 Backstory of the
Poem
“Bushwick
Blue”
by Susana H. Case
#137 Backstory of the
Poem
“Then She
Was Forever”
by Paula Persoleo
#138 Backstory of the
Poem
“Enough”
by Kris Bigalk
#139 Backstory of the
Poem
“From Ghosts of the
Upper Floor”
by Tony Trigilio
#140 Backstory of the
Poem
“Cloud
Audience”
by Wanita Zumbrunnen
#141 Backstory of the
Poem
“Condition
Center”
by Matthew Freeman
#142 Backstory of the
Poem
“Adventuresome
Woman”
by Cheryl Suchors
#143 Backstory of the
Poem
“The Way Back”
“The Way Back”
by Robert Walicki
#144 Backstory of the
Poem
“If I Had Three Lives”
by Sarah Russell
#145 Backstory of the
Poem
“Reservoir”
by Andrea Rexilius
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